I wrote the below note in November of 2017. It captures how I felt then and still how I feel today.
It begins the same as every day, a gentle ocean wave- ever present, lapping at your feet. It’s there, gently ebbing and flowing, noticeable, but not unbearable. Then, out of nowhere, the wind picks up, the sky begins to darken. You get a shiver of coolness as the temperature drops. Waves get bigger, sometimes rapidly, until the biggest tidal wave appears and crashes over you, engulfing you, drowning you until you can’t breathe and beg for mercy. As quickly as it appeared, it vanishes. Your breath slowly returns to normal as the waves begin to diminish until they return back to the daily, gentle, bearable lapping. The sun begins to shine again. You acknowledge the waves and await the next tidal wave’s appearance.
I am sharing this today because 3 and a half years later…I am still here.
I want everyone to know that grief doesn’t go away, it doesn’t lessen and it doesn’t hurt any less. It just becomes a part of you. What changes is how you handle it. How you CHOOSE to handle it. Sometimes, I allow it to envelope me and I retreat into myself and let it impact my moods, my motivation and my health. Sometimes, I fight it and make sure I am taking care of my emotional well being by exercising, meditation and talking to my family and friends. All of this is normal and allowed.
Again, you don’t get to choose when this shows up. You DO get to choose the direction you’re going to take with it.
Here are some things that work for me. Take what resonates with YOU.
•Move your body: Get sweaty.
•Go for a walk in nature
•Yell in a pillow
•Make sure you’re focusing on fueling your body appropriately with healthy food
•Get enough sleep: Even if you need a natural sleep aid to help
•Talk to someone
•Write in a journal
•Sign up for counselling-there are all kinds of free groups out there, google is your friend
•Go on a date with your spouse or friends
•Read a good book
•Most of all, be gentle with yourself.
If I can help you in any way, contact me!