This blog always talks about my personal path to healing post traumatic loss. This entry is just that!
Today I want to talk about my choice to abstain from alcohol. I would not say that I had an issue with alcohol abuse, however, 2 months in , I feel really good!
Let’s talk a bit about the history here. I starting my relationship with alcohol young. I was only 14…to look back as an adult at this and working through all of this through therapy I can say this was to combat some social anxiety as well as a numbing agent and it continued into adulthood.
I would drink on weekends and it was not a “needed” activity. It was however a continued remedy to anxiety. I can reflect now and understand that alcohol was involved in a lot of shitty choices over the years that impacted my life dramatically.
So the question may be..why now? Why is it that at the age of 51 I suddenly decided I needed a break?
Truth is, that over the past few years I have always instituted a 30 day break as a reset. And what I noticed was that I really missed it and looked forward to seeing that friend again and was pining for our reunion. The other thing was that I didn’t have an off switch after a few glasses of wine. That resulted in me getting that morning after “hangxiety” – that lack of sleep, the racing heart, the omg did I really say that last night? All of that..it’s not a great place to be every single weekend. Not at all.
So I was already in this state where I was like, I need one of my breaks. I gotta reel this in. I started following some sobriety accounts on social media and I will never forget how one guy put it (can’t remember who it was–algorithm brought it to me) but he talked about the cost of drinking. How much time it costs you-not just when you’re drinking but the after effects. You lose time being hungover. You lose energy. You potentially lose friends. You lose money paying for this stuff too. So the cost is HUGE.
So, I made a decision, I was taking a break.
Then I started taking meds for anti anxiety and hot flashes and you cannot drink on those-well some people do but that’s not for me. So this supported that decision.
I can say honestly at 2 months in, I am feeling good. I have gained alot: More energy, better sleep, no hangxiety, memories of what I did all weekend, no regrets. I wake up on a Sunday morning, ready to go, house is cleaned early enough that I can go and do something I love, like getting out with my camera.
Is this a permanent decision? I’m not sure yet. As I wend my way through life, I can honestly say this decision is really working for me right now. I am working through all of my grief and pain and just life stuff in therapy and taking a break from alcohol is allowing it all to flow really well.
If you are curious about this, I am always here to chat.
Leave a Reply