All posts by pattifarnan

Shifting Perspectives–Change your Mindset

Why does everything always happen to me?

How does the above statement make you feel? It brings me down and makes me sad. It makes me feel or it implies that all bad things happen to this person and there is no escaping from it. It sounds dismal and negative. It sounds like a punishment that never ends. I immediately feel sorry for this person that is saying this.

Now, take that same statement but change one word: Why does everything always happen for me?

This sounds like revelation. It sounds like self discovery. Like nothing but good things happen for this person. It sounds like the universe, or God or Angels or whatever you believe in is doing this person a FAVOR.

See how easily you can shift things with a very simple shift in your perspective? That was a change of 2 very short 2 and 3 letter words. Crazy but true.

I have been practicing this mindset shift (at least doing my best at it anyway) and it is life altering to say the least. I am in a better mood, and my outlook on life is genuinely more positive and hopeful.

When something happens that we feel is a negative…rather than asking why it’s happening TO us, let’s start asking why it’s happening FOR us. Ask what doors will this open up for me? How does this event or thing change the path I am on? What lesson is this teaching me?

Life is so full of potential with this simple shift. It’s helped me see light in tragedy, and altered my overall view on life, and in turn, my beliefs.

I’d love to see you give this a try yourself. In the coming days/weeks or even months, when a challenging situation arises, or something “negative” happens to you, shift the view to why it’s happening FOR you and see where that takes you.

I bet it’s somewhere awesome.

Patti

xo

What a year!

This week marks the one year anniversary that a global pandemic was announced. We were sent home from work “for a few weeks” and we really thought it would all be over then. Here we are..the world indelibly changed: How we shop, how we work, how we socialize and even celebrate. Looking back, I didn’t see even a twinkle of this coming. So what have I been able to learn and observe this past year personally? Turns out, alot. 

What I learned about myself during a global pandemic:

  1. I was in complete denial about where I was in my grief journey. I honestly thought I was doing well and functioning, which I was, however, life was crazy and we were always doing things so it was easy to bury what was really going on. Getting into a lockdown, with nowhere to go, forced me to deal with the emotions that were right there under the surface. With the use of my mindset tools I have to say I’m in a way better spot than I have been in my entire life.
  2. I am not quite as social as I thought I was. As much as I love people, I enjoyed not having to attend social functions and just being able to slow things down. 
  3. I am super attached to my family. I mean, I knew I was, but now I REALLY KNOW. Being away from them during the lockdowns has been absolute torture. I’m just happy and thankful that between lockdown periods we’ve been able to be together.
  4. I found some hobbies. I love birds and I love photography (and the combination of the two)and I really love writing. Both of these hobbies have been a fantastic creative outlet for me and have been incredibly therapeutic.
  5. I am more productive working from home and I love working from home.
  6. I love shopping online, even for groceries. I would have everything delivered if I could. (we are almost there).
  7. I’m a pet person.
  8. I have awesome cooking and baking skills which have served me well, especially when bread was scarce and everything was closed (no takeout)
  9. I don’t need a gym to get in shape
  10. I am very open to a power greater than myself.

Cool and Awesome byproducts of the pandemic for me:

  1. I started this blog!
  2. I got really dialled in with nutrition and exercise
  3. I got out way more in nature
  4. I got really consistent with meditation
  5. I took long breaks from drinking
  6. I started coaching for Beachbody
  7. I discovered Epicure
  8. I got to spend tons of time with Mike
  9. I appreciate my family WAY more
  10. I get to work from home 
  11. I can identify a lot more birds now
  12. I got a nice camera and I’m getting better at using it
  13. I did multiple puzzles
  14. We did a few road trips and had fun exploring
  15. I reconnected with old friends and found friendship with people that I didn’t realize I would.
  16. I got a new grandson!

The pandemic has been awful in so many ways. So many lives lost. So many businesses lost. So many people are struggling with mental health. Kids not being able to be normal kids. I am not making light. I know that I am so incredibly fortunate to be able to work and be safe and healthy here at home.

 I have been up and down mentally but I chose to write about the positives today because that is what I am choosing to do from a mindset perspective. Let’s focus on the positive so that is what we continue to attract to ourselves.

Is there anything you learned about yourself during the past year? Did you develop a new skill or hobby? Comment and let me know!!

Patti

xo

Perserverence and Ego

This week, I’d like to share a story of perseverance paying off, and how I had to get my ego out of my way.

So nearby to where I live, I had heard there was an owl that lived in a tree in a cemetery. I saw pictures and ever since, have been determined to see him. This was a couple of years ago now. 

Last summer, I got a new bike and would frequently ride around looking for this elusive owl. You need to understand, I had very little to go on and this cemetery is massive. All I knew of was a general location. I rode around and no dice. 

With working from home and lockdown, I started thinking about this damn owl more and more. I literally was obsessed with finding it. 

I have been taking little drives around the cemetery looking for him every chance I could get. Now that I got my camera, it became multiple days in a week that I’d just “nip down for a minute”. A few times, I would see people with cameras walking around and I KNEW they were there for “my” owl. This is where my ego would get the best of me. I was not about to ask anyone where the owl was. I needed to find him on my own no matter how frustrating it was. 

After many many fruitless trips, poking at random trees and wandering in freezing cold, I finally got over myself. I chatted with a few photography types and within 5 minutes, knew exactly where to find the owl. Unfortunately on that day, he wasn’t around. I vowed to try again. 

A few days later, back I went, camera in hand. As I rounded the bend and parked the truck, I saw someone standing, taking pics. MY OWL WAS THERE!!!

I scrambled out of the truck, got the camera set up and finally got an in person view of the prize. And he was beautiful. Like exactly what I was hoping to see, my dreams came true. All because I persevered and got over myself (my ego). 

My new best friend, the owl

You see, I have the perseverance thing down. When I have something in my head, I will keep on trying until I succeed. The ego thing is another story. I hate asking for help. In the case of the owl, I felt I would look stupid, and even worse, that it wouldn’t feel as good to find the owl if someone helped me. I was wrong.  It was every bit as satisfying as if I had stumbled across him on my own. Had I asked someone sooner, I would potentially have had my reward sooner. 

My point is this..

It’s never shameful to ask for help. We all need help from time to time. And when we ask for help, we can accomplish things a little easier and quicker. 

Easier isn’t less rewarding, it’s just more efficient. 

Next time you’re working toward something, yes, persevere so you accomplish your goal, but if you’re finding you’re at a roadblock or just stuck or confused on where to go, or just need some guidance, ASK FOR HELP!! I wish I’d asked sooner, but then I wouldn’t have learned this lesson. 

What have you faced in your life that you’ve had to ask for help with? I would love to hear your story.

Patti

xo

Knowing your worth

I’ve been talking alot this week about knowing your value. Since going back to my Barre Blend workouts and doing the accompanying daily affirmations again, it’s really had me thinking about this topic.

There is such a misconception out in the world that if someone values themselves and therefore carries themselves differently that they’re either arrogant, selfish or greedy.

I’m going to start here: it’s not selfish to know what you’re worth and that translates not only to taking care of you and your mental and physical body but it also goes with monetary gains.

So speaking about monetary gains.

When I read You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay, she talks about not undervaluing yourself. For instance, you are an artist. And you undercharge for your work, and then you struggle to pay bills while doing what you love. That is a prime example of someone not knowing their worth. This person doesn’t see their value, so therefore they don’t think others will either.

Now, let’s talk about not taking care of yourself mentally or physically. When you don’t know your value, you don’t take the time to take care of these things. The rationale sounds so noble: I don’t have time because I’m always working..I don’t have time because I have kids..I don’t have time because I volunteer in my spare time.

People, not taking care of YOU, means that you are valuing everyone else above you. You are putting out to the world that every other person’s needs are more important than your own. It’s not noble. It’s sad.

When we value ourselves enough to take good care of ourselves first, we are happier, healthier and wealthier. It puts us in a better situation and headspace to help the people we so value in our lives.

I saw online this week something that hit this home in my heart: When you’re on a plane, listening to emergency instructions, you are told to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before assisting others. Why? Because you can’t help someone else if you’re dead.

I urge you to start prioritizing yourself and really know what you’re worth. It will open doors you never thought possible.

Patti
Xo

Older and Wiser?

I had a milestone birthday this week. I turned the big 5-0! Turning this age was not what I was anticipating. I’m not sure what I was expecting…but I was surprised with how I felt about it. I will spare the platitudes: age is just a number and all that nonsense (although it really is). My daughter just kept saying she can’t wrap her head around me being 50, and I have to say I’m with her. I honestly can’t believe it. 

I don’t feel like what I anticipated this age would feel like when I looked toward it from my 20’s, 30’s and even my 40’s. I guess I thought I’d instantly age? Funny how perspective changes once you’re in it. 

I kind of thought that fun life would be all over at 50. Truth is, I’m having more fun (pandemic aside) now than I ever did when I was younger. Here are some of my observations:

I don’t sweat the small stuff

I may go to bed a lot earlier, but I also get up earlier which means I see some pretty beautiful sunrises

I’m way more calm

I don’t give a shit what other people think of me

Things at this stage of my life just feel better. 

I speak up for myself 

I know myself and trust my judgement

I’m an incredibly strong person, I’ve been through so much and yet, here I still am..happy and positive.

So true story here…and the reason why it surprised me that I didn’t freak out about turning this age:

I was always morbidly terrified of growing old, because I was closer to death. So I worried about it alot as a kid, and then well into my 40’s. LIke I legit worried about it almost constantly.

Not long ago, I realized that this mindset was stealing my enjoyment of the present. I attribute a lot of my mindset and being able to enjoy the present to my meditation practice, but I’m betting some of the credit needs to go to getting older and wiser too. 

I guess what I am saying is this: if you’re worried about getting older, please stop. Enjoy where you’re at! I think I’m really going to enjoy exploring my life perspective in my fifties. 

Patti
Xo

When Quitting is Actually Winning

It’s ok to be a quitter. I know that we are taught the opposite growing up, but I’m telling you now, that mindset is toxic.

Now let me clarify. I am not talking here about just giving up on something because it’s too hard, or painful or we just don’t wanna. 

I am talking about quitting things when we know that something has run its course. Ending something that is no longer working for us because we listen to our gut, our intuition, however you want to put it.

Listening to your gut instinct, that’s huge. 

It’s not the easy road, in fact it can be pretty freaking painful, but the end result is ALWAYS worth it.

So how do you know the difference between just giving up before it’s time and knowing it’s right?

That’s a tough question to answer.

I think it comes down to a lot of things. You need to ask yourself some tough questions and really sit and listen to the answers. I recommend sitting in meditation for a few minutes before digging in. 

Once you’re in that calm and neutral state, ask yourself the following things:

  • How is this situation serving me?
  • If I stick with this situation, what do I see the outcome being?
  • Is making a change worth the pain that the change could cause?

You can apply this to any situation really.

Romantic relationships, family, friends, jobs, careers..anything that you may be on the fence about.

Self reflection is a gift to yourself. Why would you want to short change your life?

I am only recently grasping this. I have been in so many situations in life for far too long simply because I didn’t love myself enough to make decisions FOR MY WELL BEING. I literally lived in order to make everyone else happy. Changing from that person to where I am today has taken me to a better place. A place where I’m not afraid to change, or speak my mind.

The situation recently for me was switching off a workout program that I was enjoying. It was actually detrimental to my health when I sat and asked myself those questions. And while it may seem like a totally trivial thing, it wasn’t to me. 

As a Beachbody coach, the expectation is to try all the programs when they come out. My OCD brain says that means complete it. I want to know the programs so I can best serve my clients, But, what cost to myself was I really willing to accept? I was looking at quitting as a failure, when in reality in the grand scheme of things, I only have one body. That one body doesn’t give a shit about Beachbody clients. 

It truly was an aha moment that, although I viewed it as quitting and a failure at first, it was me winning at life.

So, as I go off to do a workout for my mental and physical health, one that is best for MY body, I leave you with this:

What are you putting off quitting?

Patti

xo

You can’t fix everything

Waldo

A couple of weeks ago, I did a Facebook post on my page about a turkey that appeared out of nowhere in my neighbourhood. Turkeys are common in my area, however, this one is out of the ordinary as it’s alone, and has shown up in the city rather than a few kilometres up the road in a farmer’s field with it’s buddies. I figured it had strayed from it’s peeps and that it would move on in a few hours. That night, we went for our evening walk and it was roosting on the power line.

The turkey is still hanging out, now he/she has taken up at the busiest intersection of my neighbourhood and all the locals are up in arms. They have named it (Waldo), they are coming up with things to feed it(not recommended) and even have a plan on how to execute a capture and release into the local woods. 

It got me thinking…why do we think it needs to be saved and why do we feel the need to fix others? Maybe the turkey needs alone time, maybe (I did my own research) there’s too many young males in the flock(?) and it’s waiting til mating season is over. Maybe, he or she doesn’t want to be saved..

How does this apply to our lives? Well, we all have those people in our circles that have things about them that WE feel they need to improve upon. And maybe they know they need to improve these things. 

Perhaps they need to lose weight because we want them to be healthy. So, we inundate them with suggestions, recipes, things that work for us, make them food, nag them to come exercise with us..but once we stop nagging, they stop working at it.

Maybe they drink too much. So again, we nag at them, citing articles and imparting our knowledge upon them about why they should cut back. Again, nothing happens.

Are you familiar with this expression “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink”? It’s an old saying, but very true. You can’t change someone’s habits for them. You can HELP them, by providing assistance WHEN ASKED, but you cannot do it for them. If someone has a shitty attitude, you can’t change it for them. They need to want to change these things themselves in order for it to happen.

What we can do, is lead by example, because you never know who is watching and how it may be motivating them. 

So keep on trucking along peeps, and worry about your own shit, and help when someone asks for it.

I’ll be keeping you up to date on Waldo and all that drama on my Facebook page, also called Wending my Way.

Patti

xo

Control

The workout program I have been doing is called 9 Week Control Freak. It’s a great physical workout but it’s also strong in messaging about being in control of the things you can. It got me thinking a lot and I’m glad I am doing it because I think it’s needed by everyone given the state of the world around us.

You can’t control everything, but there are many things you can control that you may not think you can.

Let me break it down.

Eating Healthy to support your amazing body: 

Disclaimer: I fully acknowledge there are people with very real Eating Disorders out there. This section may be a trigger and I want you to know there is help out there. For the rest of you:

YOU and only you are in control of the way you eat. You make a choice when you pick up the fork. You make the decision when you pull into Mcdonald’s. You make the choices at the grocery store. I have heard so many reasons that people are not in control of their eating choices. The biggest one is it’s too hard to make different meals for the hubby, or if you have kids, for them too. The reality is, it’s not that hard. First of all, why would you feed your family food you know is harmful to them? Beyond that, you can adapt any meal and make it better for you. I challenge you to do so. The other one is that people don’t have time to cook. Please. Just stop saying that. You do. Trust me. 

Exercising to support your amazing body:

You are in control of that too. You can find an activity you LOVE that doesn’t feel like exercise. Dance in your undies in the kitchen, get a bike, buy a jump rope and relive your youth. No money? No problem. Walking is free. Running is free. Dancing is free. Doing jumping jacks and running on the spot is free. See a theme here? No time? I call bullshit. How much time are you spending on your phone? Netflix? You. Have. Time. 

How you react to situations outside of your control

You and ONLY you control your brain. What a concept!! YOU can tell your brain what to think. This does take time and practice but it’s something you can accomplish. I cannot recommend meditation enough. It is legit life altering when you embrace it. It has taught me to pause before letting my emotions get the best of me. You can then evaluate how you’re feeling in reaction to a situation and then, choose how to react. This applies to all sorts of things: disagreements with others, someone being less than kind to you, crazy world events, work situations. All of that stuff.

I’m being very blunt today, but with this stuff, sometimes you need to be. I for one, am always a work in progress and I’m proud of that. I have chosen to take a learning approach to my life, rather than the old me that would make a “mistake” and then proceed to berate myself for days. 

I’m going to leave it at this list for now, but I am positive I will think of more later, so watch for a part 2 down the road. 

You got this guys. You are in control of YOU. Nobody else. YOU. You rock, get out and show the world how amazing you are. 

Patti

xo

Emotions

Last week, I talked about this time of year and how it impacts me and my plan to help myself. I’m carrying out the plan and I’m doing ok, but it’s still hard and there are still so many emotions coming up. 

So that got me thinking about how society tends to look at people having strong emotions.

When we are born, we are just present with our emotions. Hiding and burying emotions is learned from society. We are taught from a young age to suck it up. If we are upset, we are told to stop crying or told that there is nothing to be crying for. We are taught (and this isn’t anyone’s fault) that our emotions are something that a) can be controlled and b) are not valid or important. I say it’s nobody’s fault because if our parents did this, they were taught by their parents who were taught by their parents and so on and so on. 

Then, as adults, since we don’t learn how to deal with these emotions appropriately, we turn to really negative ways of trying to make ourselves better. We bury them deep within, often lashing out at those that try to help us. We plod through life unhappy and depressed. We self medicate: with drugs, food, alcohol, shopping. 

All of the above makes us really ill equipped to handle ourselves when something stressful or traumatic hits, like a loss or a global pandemic. We turn to our coping skills regardless of how negative a coping skill it is, because that is what we know. We live in a culture that is talking out both sides of its face:

The side that says it’s ok to not be ok, let’s do dry February

But then the other side, on social media says it’s ok to self medicate with wine, that it’s ok to curl up in a ball and eat your way through things. 

It’s conflicting information and makes us feel like we should continue on the path of self destruction we are on.

I want us all to be ok with not being ok. I want us to deal with our emotions. I am a classic emotion burier. I have gaps in my memory from different periods in my life because it was easier to block shit out than deal with it. I have been there with the self medication. I started drinking too young and looking back, it was a way to deal with not quite fitting in, and just being unhappy in general.

For myself, I made a conscious effort recently to abstain from alcohol for the time being. I feel like there is still stuff I need to deal with mentally with the loss of Kayla and other important family members. I need to deal with my emotions in a healthy way and removing wine from the equation makes it difficult to bury them down like I know I’ve been doing. It’s not been easy -especially during this awful month. In the short term, it’s made me more sad and short tempered than normal but I know I need to do this in order to move forward on my journey to clarity and better mental health. 

I use meditation as a form of therapy to just learn to sit and understand how I’m feeling and why. 

I use physical exercise as a way to channel those emotions into something positive and believe it or not, it also brings them more to the surface. These positive coping mechanisms are helping me figure out my shit.

I am telling you now, that it really is ok to not be ok. I am telling you now that if you’re struggling emotionally, ask someone for help. If you’re struggling with self medication, do whatever you need to do to stop that. 

I have faith in you. I have faith in me. We can move through this and come out better than we started.

Patti

xo

January

I always loved January. It always felt so fresh and clean and new. It signalled a fresh start. A brand spanking new year of possibilities. I saw nothing but opportunity and positivity. When other people struggled with the January blues, I got my shit together and shone!

Then, everything bad that could happen in a month to a mother happened. 

January 23 2017. January 31, 2017. 

I get anxiety just writing those dates. 

As much as I try, as much healing and self care that I do, they are still raw and sad dates. And now we are under a stay at home order and one of my coping mechanisms, spending time with my beautiful grandbabies, is on hold.

What I have learned through all of this though, is that the dreading of the dates arrival is usually worse than the actual days. 

So how have I gotten through the last almost 4 years now? The answer is pretty simple: I don’t have a choice. I’m still here, I am still living and I still have a daughter that is very much alive who needs me, 3 grandsons I see that need me, another granddaughter that needs me that I don’t get to see, a spouse that needs me..I still have living beautiful thriving people here. I have so much to be present for. And sometimes too, that brings some grief guilt.

I often find that January brings with it now a huge lack of mental clarity. It houses a lack of focus and just a pall that lies over my normally very optimistic and positive nature. I am capable of just getting through and figuring shit out once the dark cloud lifts but I don’t want to just get through it. I don’t want to suffer through. That my friends, that is not living. My oldest grandson, who is still grieving and traumatized himself is watching me. He sees how I deal with it and I need to ensure he gains strength from me.

So, I’m devising a plan.

Daily meditation and exercise are an absolute must right now. Meditation allows me to observe my emotions without reacting. I can literally see what I am feeling and examine it. It brings a sense of calm and control which helps to brighten that outlook. The exercise is an outlet. It brings the emotions up and out. It releases a ton of negative energy while creating those beautiful endorphins that light you up inside.

I will be spending even more time outside. Yep, it’s January and cold but I have boots and snowpants and all the shit to warm me up. I plan on purchasing a camera for my upcoming birthday (the big 5.0) so I can take amazing pictures of all my nature and bird stuff. 

I will be writing a lot. I may share it, I may not. Maybe I’ll start writing a book. Writing this blog has been such an amazing emotional healer for me. 

I’m abstaining from alcohol. It makes everything harder to deal with and it makes me feel like crap anyway.

This January, I am more than just ok. I am a phoenix that rises from the ashes.

“All is well in my world.” Louise Hay

Xo 

Patti

This week’s post I dedicate to the following:

My beautiful Kayla (RIP)

My amazing and beautiful Aunt Lori(RIP)

Crazy Otis (RIP)

My awesome famjam and my Mighty Moms