Tag Archives: #bereavement

Emotions

Last week, I talked about this time of year and how it impacts me and my plan to help myself. I’m carrying out the plan and I’m doing ok, but it’s still hard and there are still so many emotions coming up. 

So that got me thinking about how society tends to look at people having strong emotions.

When we are born, we are just present with our emotions. Hiding and burying emotions is learned from society. We are taught from a young age to suck it up. If we are upset, we are told to stop crying or told that there is nothing to be crying for. We are taught (and this isn’t anyone’s fault) that our emotions are something that a) can be controlled and b) are not valid or important. I say it’s nobody’s fault because if our parents did this, they were taught by their parents who were taught by their parents and so on and so on. 

Then, as adults, since we don’t learn how to deal with these emotions appropriately, we turn to really negative ways of trying to make ourselves better. We bury them deep within, often lashing out at those that try to help us. We plod through life unhappy and depressed. We self medicate: with drugs, food, alcohol, shopping. 

All of the above makes us really ill equipped to handle ourselves when something stressful or traumatic hits, like a loss or a global pandemic. We turn to our coping skills regardless of how negative a coping skill it is, because that is what we know. We live in a culture that is talking out both sides of its face:

The side that says it’s ok to not be ok, let’s do dry February

But then the other side, on social media says it’s ok to self medicate with wine, that it’s ok to curl up in a ball and eat your way through things. 

It’s conflicting information and makes us feel like we should continue on the path of self destruction we are on.

I want us all to be ok with not being ok. I want us to deal with our emotions. I am a classic emotion burier. I have gaps in my memory from different periods in my life because it was easier to block shit out than deal with it. I have been there with the self medication. I started drinking too young and looking back, it was a way to deal with not quite fitting in, and just being unhappy in general.

For myself, I made a conscious effort recently to abstain from alcohol for the time being. I feel like there is still stuff I need to deal with mentally with the loss of Kayla and other important family members. I need to deal with my emotions in a healthy way and removing wine from the equation makes it difficult to bury them down like I know I’ve been doing. It’s not been easy -especially during this awful month. In the short term, it’s made me more sad and short tempered than normal but I know I need to do this in order to move forward on my journey to clarity and better mental health. 

I use meditation as a form of therapy to just learn to sit and understand how I’m feeling and why. 

I use physical exercise as a way to channel those emotions into something positive and believe it or not, it also brings them more to the surface. These positive coping mechanisms are helping me figure out my shit.

I am telling you now, that it really is ok to not be ok. I am telling you now that if you’re struggling emotionally, ask someone for help. If you’re struggling with self medication, do whatever you need to do to stop that. 

I have faith in you. I have faith in me. We can move through this and come out better than we started.

Patti

xo

January

I always loved January. It always felt so fresh and clean and new. It signalled a fresh start. A brand spanking new year of possibilities. I saw nothing but opportunity and positivity. When other people struggled with the January blues, I got my shit together and shone!

Then, everything bad that could happen in a month to a mother happened. 

January 23 2017. January 31, 2017. 

I get anxiety just writing those dates. 

As much as I try, as much healing and self care that I do, they are still raw and sad dates. And now we are under a stay at home order and one of my coping mechanisms, spending time with my beautiful grandbabies, is on hold.

What I have learned through all of this though, is that the dreading of the dates arrival is usually worse than the actual days. 

So how have I gotten through the last almost 4 years now? The answer is pretty simple: I don’t have a choice. I’m still here, I am still living and I still have a daughter that is very much alive who needs me, 3 grandsons I see that need me, another granddaughter that needs me that I don’t get to see, a spouse that needs me..I still have living beautiful thriving people here. I have so much to be present for. And sometimes too, that brings some grief guilt.

I often find that January brings with it now a huge lack of mental clarity. It houses a lack of focus and just a pall that lies over my normally very optimistic and positive nature. I am capable of just getting through and figuring shit out once the dark cloud lifts but I don’t want to just get through it. I don’t want to suffer through. That my friends, that is not living. My oldest grandson, who is still grieving and traumatized himself is watching me. He sees how I deal with it and I need to ensure he gains strength from me.

So, I’m devising a plan.

Daily meditation and exercise are an absolute must right now. Meditation allows me to observe my emotions without reacting. I can literally see what I am feeling and examine it. It brings a sense of calm and control which helps to brighten that outlook. The exercise is an outlet. It brings the emotions up and out. It releases a ton of negative energy while creating those beautiful endorphins that light you up inside.

I will be spending even more time outside. Yep, it’s January and cold but I have boots and snowpants and all the shit to warm me up. I plan on purchasing a camera for my upcoming birthday (the big 5.0) so I can take amazing pictures of all my nature and bird stuff. 

I will be writing a lot. I may share it, I may not. Maybe I’ll start writing a book. Writing this blog has been such an amazing emotional healer for me. 

I’m abstaining from alcohol. It makes everything harder to deal with and it makes me feel like crap anyway.

This January, I am more than just ok. I am a phoenix that rises from the ashes.

“All is well in my world.” Louise Hay

Xo 

Patti

This week’s post I dedicate to the following:

My beautiful Kayla (RIP)

My amazing and beautiful Aunt Lori(RIP)

Crazy Otis (RIP)

My awesome famjam and my Mighty Moms 

How will you emerge?

Image Credit Butterfly Life Cycle Vectors by Vecteezy

It’s the end of 2020. The end of what’s been a very challenging year. We’ve been separated from family, friends, co-workers. People have lost jobs. Too many people have died. It’s just been alot to put it mildly. And now, as we head into a time of year that’s already very difficult for so many, we are once again asked to stay home. We are tired of it all. We want to go out and be social. We want to travel. We just want our lives back to the way they were and I understand all of it.

Once again, I am asking you to shift your perspective on all of it. What if, rather than looking at this stay home order as a negative, we could flip to an opportunity?

Can you, just for a moment, close your eyes and picture how you want to emerge from all of this? Think of the image above. A monarch butterfly starts off as a caterpillar, unable to do anything but inch around. Then it is driven to change. It wraps itself up in it’s constrictive coccoon and waits. About 2 weeks later, that caterpillar emerges as a beautiful butterly. It spreads it’s wings and flies off with newfound freedom.

This is similar to what I want for all of us. We can complain and worry and stress about the unknown and I’m by no means not taking everything seriously or minimizing people’s very real serious situations in all of this. But..if I am being very transparant, I know we will get through this and HOW we come out on the other side is entirely up to us.

For me, I’m planning to come out like that beautiful butterfly, forever changed, but for the better. I am using this time as an opportunity to work on me. I’m still healing from the trauma of losing my oldest child in an incredibly shocking way. I’m trying to figure out what I’m going to do about seeing her child since I’ve been presented with that lesson in life for some reason I’m still trying to understand. So for me, it’s learning how to react to stressful and upsetting situations differently, where it doesn’t give me massive anxiety and an emotional meltdown.

I am coming out of all this, fitter and healthier than I’ve ever been, both physically and mentally. Here is my plan:

  • Fuel my body with the nutrition it needs to be the fittest and strongest it can be to support me through the rest of my life
  • Move my body to give me the best fighting chance to live as long as possible
  • Meditate to teach me how to be more intentional with my actions and reactions
  • Grow my side hustle with Beachbody coaching while greatly reducing my screen time
  • Get outside as much as I possibly can
  • Continue to write and grow this blog because it’s helped me more than you could ever know
  • Be kind when nobody’s watching

So, as you see, I have set my intentions for the year. They are not difficult and there are not that many. They are all completely within my control. I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions, but I do think the start of the year is a good time to reassess and formulate a plan for yourself.

Last year, I participated in an end of the year workshop of sorts that was delivered by Rachel Brathen. At the end of all of the work, you were to choose a word that will set your intention for the year. To be honest, I had forgotten all about it until my friend Fiona posted something similar to this exercise the other day which got me thinking about all of this.

My word last year, was Joy. I still managed to find alot of that, even in a crazy pandemic that nobody saw coming on Jan 1 2020. This year, I have chosen Legacy. I have chosen this word because I want everything I do to be reflective of the legacy I want to leave on this world one day. Do I want the legacy that I really loved to drink wine, worked on my days off and was on social media alot? Of course not. I want my legacy to be greater than that. I want my legacy to be that I helped others and was always present with anyone around me. I want to be known as a great mother, spouse, nana, girlfriend and coworker. That’s what I want and that’s what I will leave this world (one day, very far from now).

So after all of this, I ask you again…how will you emerge from your “coccoon” when all of this is said and done? What will your word be for this year? What legacy do you want to leave? I encourage you to take some time over the weekend to reflect on the year that you’ve had, and set some intentions for 2021. I’d love to hear it!

Happy New Year to all!!

Patti

xo

‘Tis the Season

This week is Christmas. In a pandemic. Here in Burlington, ON, we begin our second lockdown on Boxing Day. Right now indoor gatherings are capped at 5 and they’re asking us to only celebrate with our household.

Christmas and holidays for a lot of us, is already HARD. Like really tough. Not because our grief is stronger or deeper or bigger, it’s just triggering. Things happen and memories inevitably pop up and allow the raw emotions, anger, frustration, hurt feelings come to the surface.

It’s the empty chair(s) at the table, the gift you would have given, the traditions that should have been shared. It’s knowing that this was your person’s favorite time of year. It’s all of the above.

This time of year, from October to April, is hard for me. It’s harder than most of the year.

Thanksgiving, was mine and Kayla’s favorite holidays. Kayla loved snow, so when it flies, it sometimes gets me feeling low, especially the first really good snowfall. It’s hanging angel ornaments on the tree as a tribute to her, it’s knowing that I’m not seeing Elena when in reality, were Kayla here, they’d all be at my house. It’s creeping up to January 23 (Elena’s birthday and the last conversation I had with Kayla). It’s January 31st, the day we made the decision to remove the life support. Once all those are passed, then it’s my birthday in February and a month later, Kayla’s.

Now we introduce a pandemic and lockdowns into the equation, and it hits me harder because now, there will be more empty chairs, because my extended family can’t join us in person. Kristina and the boys will be here because we need that mentally.

This all got me thinking when I was determining what to write about today. About all the families that can’t be together this year for Christmas. We are entering a time of year that can be really hard to begin with, let alone giving a small taste of what it’s like to not be with loved ones when you really wish you could be. It’s not the same thing obviously, but it’s a taste.

So what do we do? How have I managed to get through this emotionally charged times for the last 3 years? It’s self care. I am going to share some of the things I do to not absolutely lose my shit. This is in no way shape or form a “professional” opinion or advice, nor does it replace counselling or emergency assistance if that is what you need, just my tips from my personal experience.

  • Gather the support of family and friends. Maybe not in person this year, but this is where technology comes in. Zoom, Google Meets, Google Duo, Houseparty, Whatsapp: these are all video conferencing tools you can use. It’s the next best thing. Tell them how you are feeling. Don’t worry about being a downer. They WANT to support you.
  • Distraction. Read a book, take up painting, knitting, get lost in a movie. I’m not saying don’t think about things, but sometimes your brain needs a break from it all
  • Move your body. Go for a walk (bundle up) do a workout, dance in your living room. Make a TikTok. Do SOMETHING
  • Meditate. There are apps out there to help you. There’s Calm, Headspace, Beachbody on demand. There are free meditations on Youtube.
  • Have a nap.
  • Do your nails, a facial, something that you enjoy to pamper yourself.
  • Eat the ice cream. Just don’t eat the whole container lol.
  • Listen to music. Any music. Just don’t put shit on that makes you wallow in your self pity
  • Reflect on your time with your loved one. Enjoy those happy memories. Talk about them. Post on Social about them
  • Make a memorial donation. Donate to the foodbank in their name in the amount you would have spent on their gift. Pay it forward in the Timmies drivethrough.

These are some suggestions. This post is to support you. Let me know the things you do for yourself when you struggle with those tough emotions. I am always looking for more tools in my toolbox. And, as always, if you need to talk, I am here.

Merry Christmas everyone! Looking forward to seeing everyone’s modified celebrations. Enjoy being cozy at home.

Patti

xo

Mindset Growth and Lessons

I’ve been working on my mindset for quite some time, even before Kayla’s passing. I have completely changed as a person. I’ve come a really long way. From being a super submissive housewife in a terrible marriage who had such bad anxiety attacks I would leave the grocery cart in the middle of the grocery store and run out, to the person I am today: Strong, confident, and able to speak up for myself.

I’ve done this through discovering and practiciing meditation, daily exercise, TONS of self help books, counselling, and surrounding myself with like minded individuals.

I had an interesting conversation this week with one of these people and I think we both had a bit of an aha moment. We have been on this mindset journey almost in parallel: we are just on the same page usually within weeks, months or days of each other to finding what is going to work.

We have known each other for years, like over 10. In that time, I have seen her shift from someone that could be seen as aggressive, and very reactive to a positive example of someone who is really trying to embrace the non reactive, live your truth kind of life.

Well, this week, she had an altercation of sorts with a stranger. And we were talking about how angry this person made her. Like you know when you hold onto that anger for HOURS after? When you think of all the smart comebacks you could have made? This was one of those. And to her credit, she really didn’t react to this person. And to ME, that’s growth for her. Like 10 years ago, this would have been a blow up. And this time, it wasn’t.

But, she kept coming back to self blame…saying, I thought I was past this, what is the lesson here. Because, when we are on this mindset journey and growing, we always try to see the lesson in everything. Sometimes it’s right there in your face, and sometimes, you need to hash it out with someone else in order to “get it”.

I thought about it for a few minutes, and then I said to her: We are human. We can’t be fucking zen 100% of the time. That was the lesson people. And I’m writing about it today because it’s important, and a big one.

We are human. We get angry. We get sad. We get disappointed when things don’t go our way. Even when we work so diligently on our mindset. Even when we meditate every day.

You can read all the self help books in the world, and attend every motivational seminar there is but at the end of the day, you will still be a human being with emotions.

Where the true growth comes, is recognizing our feelings. Taking a few minutes to step back and acknowledging where we are at. And how we CHOOSE to react. Or feel.

This is growth friends.

I will leave you with that for this week, try to see how far you’ve come when you have these moments.

Patti

xo

Perspective

I want to talk today about perspective and freaking out about things that, in the grand scheme of things, are either really minor or actually unimportant!!

I’m talking about stuff that I see on social media or hear in passing…even (and I’m sorry) complaints people voice to me. We all do it. Myself included. We need to turn this bus around people. This shit ain’t getting us anywhere but stressed the fuck out.

Since Kayla passed, I have been so much more sensitive to this in myself and others. It almost feels like a blasphemy to complain about little things because she isn’t here to be able to complain about this shit. It’s been eye opening for me for sure.

I’m talking about stuff like this:

  • My package is late because of Covid
  • My kids are driving me nuts
  • A process changed at work
  • There was traffic today
  • I’m bored
  • I can’t go out
  • I have to wear a mask
  • I am stuck at home
  • I don’t think “blank” likes me

Get the picture? This shit will not matter to you in 1 year. Maybe even less time than that. To put THAT in perspective, look at your Facebook memories…most of them I look at now and go, wow, why did I need to post THAT?

So let’s put our heads together and think about this. How is complaining serving you? What are you gaining other than somewhat negative attention? We are wasting time and energy about this stuff. So here is MY take on the shifting our perspective and turning it around.

When I catch myself in this cycle, I have learned (thank YOU daily meditation and affirmations) to take a step back and breathe for a second. The meditation has taught me how to actually catch myself here. When I take that step back and breathe, I have an opportunity to ask myself why this is bothering me so much? And guess what? I can usually turn it around. So let’s refute the above complaints.

My package is late because of Covid: You’re lucky you can afford a package at all! Some people don’t have jobs and are struggling to put food on the table. That postal worker is probably run ragged delivering all this stuff. Your stuff will come, just later than you would LIKE. It’s a privilege to order things online and have them delivered directly to your door so you don’t have to expose yourself to potential harm.

A process changed at work: Suck it up buttercup…there are reasons things change and someone is paying us to follow the rules. We have a job. Someone out there in the world is likely wishing they were in your shoes.

My kids are driving me nuts: And one day, they will grow up and you will crave that insanity. The massive noise levels will one day become silence. Enjoy them while you can. I wish that I had spent more time playing and less time yelling.

There was traffic today: When you’re stuck in traffic, crank up the tunes, meditate, turn on that podcast or audio book you’ve been putting off. Enjoy some alone time if you’re by yourself. If you’re with someone, try and have a meaningful conversation. Remember-there could be a reason the universe has delayed you.

I’m bored/stuck at home/have to wear a mask/can’t go out: This is tough because we are mostly social beings. We need interaction and stimulation from others. This is a sacrifice we do need to make right now. There is opportunity to turn this into a positive: learn something new–create a new hobby, learn a new language, start a blog! What have you been putting off that you now have time for? The mask thing…my goodness just wear one. Nobody is taking away your rights for heavens sake. Respect others around you. Again, at least you are alive to complain about this. This must also mean you have good health (another blessing)

I don’t think blank likes me: Who cares???? There’s an expression “What other people think of you is none of your business” I wish I had cared less about this shit when I was younger. Such a time waster. If you love you, then BE you and nobody else matters!! Cut them loose and find your people!

Remember: There is always someone out there that is worse off than you. We are very entitled these days and I think we can all turn our perspectives around and worry about the big stuff instead.

Until next week!!

Patti

xo

How we know we are making mental progress

I made a promise to myself when I started this blog that I wanted it to be 2 things:

1. True to myself and followers

2. That my words would help at least one person.

I know I’m achieving the latter based on feedback and comments and that makes me so happy!

This brings me to the first. I have been very honest and open thus far and that brings me to today’s post. So here we go.

I have done a lot of work on my attitude and mentality over the years. This does not mean that I don’t have days where I backslide a little into old habits and thoughts. We are always a work in progress and always will be. That is why we are all here isn’t it? To learn and evolve.

This week, I talked negatively about someone else. Like really not nice at all. Immediately after, I felt-icky. And immediately began to do a few things.

  • I started internally berating myself
  • I started having anxiety that this person would find out
  • I started asking myself how I could ‘fix’ this

I wallowed in that shit for a few hours. But here is where the knowledge that I am making mental progress(for lack of a better term or should I say evolving? let me know). I knocked that shit off.

Instead of being incredibly stressed out and mean, I asked myself why I felt the need to say those things? What in this other person that I was bitching about did I dislike about myself? Why did I feel like it was ok to spew this poisonous bullshit? And I sat with that for a bit. That is where the work really is guys…and this is how we know we are “evolving”.

We recognize when we are doing something that is not conducive to the person we want to be, or that’s against the attititude we choose to live by and we do something about it. I challenge you to follow this process yourself the next time you catch yourself in the act of unkindness. Ask the questions, what do I see in this person I dislike in myself? Why do I feel the need to be unkind in this moment . Let’s make the world a better place by changing our mindsets, trust me, positivity is contagious.

I am not going to tell you what the situation was or the details about myself that I came up with, some stuff has to stay personal to me. But…I did ask my Angels this morning how to move forward in this situation, and this is what they responded with.

Needless to say, I am choosing to forgive myself, and move on.

I hope this finds you well, and that you may find this information helpful in your own personal journey to mental evolution (I like that word!).

xo

Patti

Journey or Destination?

Liam and I enjoying the journey last weekend

On a recent road trip, I started thinking about what part of these excursions I focus more on, the journey or the destination.

Most of the time, I am the passenger, which affords me the luxury of casually noting the scenery as we are on our way to wherever we are headed that day. I notice beautiful landscapes, farms, amazing buildings, the clouds…the list goes on and on. More often than not, I enjoy this peaceful part of the journey more than the actual destination.

Other people, perhaps because they are the driver, are simply focused on getting from point A to point B, never really taking time to enjoy the journey and missing out on so much beauty.

Oftentimes, when we are out on these little roadtrips, I see cool little places along the way and think, that would be awesome to stop at. But then I think about timelines and such and understand that stopping along the way would jeapordize our opportunity to get to our actual destination.

This got me thinking about how this can be applied to life in general. Are we so focused on the destination that we miss out on the beautiful sights along the way?

How many little moments are we glossing over more focused on the end result? How many little side paths on a trail have we missed out on? What are missing on these short detours?

In life, we can attempt to take a straight path from A to B however, the universe will usually force us to either shift directions entirely or take a longer journey to get there aka make us Wend our Way.

Let’s try this week to keep these thoughts front of mind. When you’re out for that walk, take the side path and see where it takes you. You never know what that reward will be. Rather than getting frustrated, let’s take a moment to look around and see what’s in front of us that we can appreciate. I am right along there with you for that journey.

Let me know…are you more of a destination person or one that enjoys the journey? I’m trying every day to remembet to be the latter.

Thank you for reading,

Patti

xo

Life after your loss

As I sit here with 2 weeks off work on a Thursday afternoon, I was about to pull out the latest puzzle I’m working on and I started thinking about puzzles and how they relate to living after loss.

I have long done puzzles because I enjoy the challenge of putting all the pieces back together exactly as they were when it was a whole picture. It’s satisfying to me.

Living after losing someone important to you is not that unlike doing a puzzle. I mean you start to look around and see the mess of pieces on the floor and say, how the hell am I gonna put all this back together? These pieces need to go back exactly as they were and I don’t know where to start. I have the picture in my mind of how life looked so I know how they SHOULD fit together.

So you start fitting them back together as best you can, but there’s pieces missing, and the picture looks different now. The pieces no longer fit together. No matter what you do, you cannot make the picture look the way it did before the loss. You just can’t. Just like with a puzzle, it gets really frustrating. Just like when you’re doing a puzzle, you need to step back from the way you remember that picture, and look from a new perspective.

Once you do that, you will see new pieces available to you to complete your new puzzle. The new pieces are new people that come into your life, new interests that you start to enjoy, maybe new beliefs enter into the view.

Accepting that your old puzzle will never fit back together again is not easy. There will be many times when you look back on that old puzzle willing those missing pieces to magically appear. There is sadness and guilt when picking up your new pieces. I wish I could say that those feelings disappear with time, but that has yet to be my experience. There are times when you will be thoroughly enjoying the new puzzle you are creating and then suddenly think of that old puzzle and the guilt and sadness are overwhelming. But, there will also be times when you can enjoy looking at both puzzles without guilt or sadness. That I can say is something that does become more frequent over time. So there is always hope.

So, as you start to piece your new puzzle together, try to enjoy that process. The pieces may change as you go along, so don’t get frustrated. Think of it as new challenge, and smile.

Patti

xo

Do you believe in SIGNS?

Not street signs. Signs from above, the universe, your relatives that have moved on from this life. I do. I am a believer, Too many things have happened in my lifetime to be a doubter. This post will not be for everyone, and that’s ok. If you are a believer, or are on the fence. READ ON

Throughout my life, I have received signs. For the majority of my lifetime, I dismissed them. I doubted. I wasn’t ready yet to accept that there is a power greater than me. The timing and sheer accuracy of some of these signs scared the living shit outta me to be honest. So I dismissed alot to coincedence, my imagination etc.

I am going to fast forward the signs I have received to the day that Kayla had Elena and what happened just prior to her having that seizure that ultimately claimed her life.

First of all, there’s the gut feeling. The feeling that something is not right at all, It is not thinking negatively. It’s your gut, the very very depth of your soul that you know..there’s something HORRIBLE coming. I felt that. In hindsight, I felt it as soon as Kayla told me she was pregnant. I pushed it aside. The day that Kayla went in the hospital in distress, it came back with full force.

I got to see Kayla after she had Elena. She was in rough shape, but concious and talking to me. That in itself is a gift I will always be thankful for. She sent me to see Elena in the nursery and I told her I loved her and I would see her soon. That was our last in person conversation.

After seeing Elena, I went to the washroom. As I was washing my hands, I looked on my shirt and there was a wet spot, in the shape of a heart. I looked at it and knew something was wrong. I headed back to her room and heard the code blue announcement. That was the start of the worst week of my life, but I feel like that heart was meant to comfort me when I look back on it.

Seems weird and far fetched right? I understand. I know it sounds like I’m crazy. Just bear with me because there is so much more.

About a week after Kayla passed, I had a dream. In it, Kayla came to me and she was about 6 years old. The place was dark, almost like a silhouette, a two dimensional area. Kayla had a little backpack on and she was skipping along a path, grabbing and holding my hand. She said, come on, I’m gonna be late! I asked where we were going, and she pointed down the path and said, sometimes, you just have to wend mom. And then I woke up. I was relieved at how happy she was, and immediatel y thought, WTF does wend mean? Turns out it is a very old word used to describe going to a destination, but not following a direct path. This is where the name for this site came from. To me, she was telling me she was ok, and she would be getting to where she needed to go eventually. Prior to this, I was plagued with horrible thoughts and nightmares (when I could sleep) worrying about where she was and if she was ok. This dream was a turning point for me. I slept after this.

Beyond this, there have been countless songs that come on the radio at just the right moment, the cardinals that randomly and abundantly show up for me when I am thinking of her, feathers that float up in a weird location just when I needed comfort. So many many many things.

Today…today was the best one yet. And it came in multiple parts.

First off, I read angel cards. It’s ok if you’re not into it, but if you’ve gotten this far then you’re at least curious or think I’ve totally lost it. I have a long history with Tarot cards and I can fill you in at some other point in time. Anyway…I did my morning meditations and normally I quiet my mind but today I felt so full of gratitude, and so positively charged that I sat for the entire time thanking the universe for basically everything in my life and repeating my positive affirmations over and over again.

After this, I read my cards. I asked how I needed to focus my energy moving into my vacation time. I got Ask and Receive and it basically was telling me to trust the angels and the universe and they will give me what I need. It also told me to practice gratitude which I did. I said a gratitude prayer and felt uplifted on a cold and snowy day.

After showering etc, I look at my phone to see a Facebook notification. Someone had liked a post from Jan 19, 2017. It was something Kayla had posted (she slipped into her coma Jan 23 2017). It was celebrating our “Friendaversary” and she captioned it with Love you mom. I admit, I cried, I got chills, all of it, but I felt GOOD, blessed and so thankful to hear that. I knew she wanted me to see that today.

That absolutely DID NOT prepare me for what happened after this…lol as is often the case with this stuff.

I called Kristina like I do every morning. My almost 3 year old grandson Landon who has never met Kayla, comes out with: “Nana has to get pumpkins for her house. Kayla is getting them. Kayla says Love you mom ok Nana?” I shit you not this happened. Kayla loved Halloween.

This brought me immense comfort. I felt compelled to share and to share it now. It is not my job to convince anyone that this stuff is real.

If you are interested in receiving signs, it’s pretty straightforward: You simply need to have an open mind and tell the universe you are ready.

Then, wait for the magic to appear. I promise you, when you are truly ready and accepting it will happen.

I hope this post finds you well. Until next time,

xo

Patti