Tag Archives: #changeyourmindset

I love myself enough

July 8, 2021Mindset Mission#2021, #50andfabulous, #affirmations, #blogger, #changeyourmindset, #compassion, #feelings, #freshstart, #intentions, #intuition, #manifestation, #mindsetmission, #perserverence, #pride, #relationship, #selflove#knowyourvalue, #wendingmyway, #whoareyou, #whyblog #mentalhealthpattifarnan

I’ve been absent from the blog for a few weeks now…life’s been really busy, my mindset has not been in the best space to focus on writing. Today though, I had a bit of an epiphany.

Today’s post is not as much about my grief journey as it is about mindset and about loving yourself enough to put yourself first.

I’m not talking about saying no to everything and everyone, nor am I saying it’s ok to be selfish. Because, loving yourself is only about you, and doesn’t depend on anyone else.

It’s not selfish because of this. Its internal and personal and I felt it was something to discuss today because I struggle with this.

I found over the past few days, I have not been honest with myself..thanks to a beautiful group I am in with an amazing person leading. Sure, I’ve been doing all the things: meditation, journalling, blogging about mindset and selfcare and all the other “buzzwords” you can think of.

And yes, I have come a LONG way from the person I was, but, I’m slowly and painfully realizing that I have so much more work to do.

I am saying yes to things I want to say no to. I am doing things that don’t support me. I’m dimming my light in order to keep peace and not make others uncomfortable.

This morning, as I was drying my hair, I really looked in that mirror with only love and compassion. It sounds cheesey af, but I said to myself “I love you enough to put you first”. And I meant it.

We need to be our own number one priority. If we aren’t, then we can’t be our genuine selves and our loved ones, our friends and coworkers, people we see on the street..they deserve to see our beautiful light.

We are all here for a reason. I really believe it’s a path to enlightenment: whatever that means for you.

My authentic self is someone that just loves the world and sees the light in the dark. That is just who I am. I smile at strangers, I help others when they need it. I love life.

Please put yourself first. I want to see your brilliant light.

Patti

Gut Check

June 11, 2021Mindset Mission#2021, #50andfabulous, #affirmations, #blogger, #changeyourmindset, #compassion, #covid19, #feelings, #freshstart, #mindsetmission, #pandemic, #perspective, #reopening, #selfcare, #selflove#knowyourvalue, #value, #wendingmyway, #whyblog #mentalhealthpattifarnan

Things are starting to change again in the world at a rapid pace. Businesses are reopening, people are getting vaccinated, less people are sick and workplaces are preparing for employees to come back to work in person.

All of this is long awaited and for many, very exciting. We all need to be around other humans and have that social interaction, but let’s face it..for most of us it’s been quite some time and we have changed our lives to match being solitary!

So now what? How do we prepare ourselves to reintegrate into society? What if I am anxious about it? What to do?

Here are my thoughts, and they are just that…they are not medical opinions by any stretch of the imagination.

Now is the time to really embrace our mindsets and make sure we are practicing our self care the most!

There is alot going on and it is ok to feel anxious about it, I know that I am myself.

Let’s chat quickly about some of this stuff. The vaccination debate is really divisive. People have super strong opinions about it. It is perfectly ok to have your own ideas! Let’s just start there. It is NOT ok to push your beliefs/ideas on someone else. Whatever side of the discussion you are on, my advice is to keep it to yourself. No matter what YOUR belief is, other people will continue with theirs NO MATTER what you tell them. There is way too much emotion involved in this debate for you to sway anyone in either direction and it is not up to you to change that.

If you believe in vaccination and you don’t want to be around people that aren’t, that is up to you. Just calmly inform those people that you will be keeping to people that are vaccinated and leave it at that. No discussion. That’s all. The same goes if you don’t believe in vaccination. You do you, and keep your opinions to yourself.

There doesn’t need to be conflict or debate or arguing or even violence! We can agree to disagree and go with whatever path we are personally comfortable with. I’m seeing so much debate and division among families and that makes me sad. I really hope that we can find some common ground along the way.

So that addresses one thing. Let’s talk about the anxiety levels and what you can do to alleviate them.

You know I’m going to say meditation! Obviously. It is the BEST way to alleviate anxiety and work out what is happening in your brain. You need other self care too. Enjoy time outside, go for a walk, read a book on your patio, do a puzzle, knit-whatever makes you happy and calm.

When it comes to reintegration to society–yes I am calling it that because that is really what it is, I have some ideas.

So many of you have made a lot of really positive changes over the past year and a half. There are also some habits that are not so positive that have developed. My plan for myself is to write it all down and decide what I want to keep and what needs to go away. Then, create an action plan to make sure this happens.

The other idea, is to go slow. Baby step it back to seeing people. Go with your comfort level and be ok with saying NO. If there is a situation you are not quite ready for yet, decline politely. You don’t need to offer an explanation. Just no thanks or not today. That’s it. If your people don’t respect that, get new people.

This is a change and it has potential to be overwhelming and overstimulating. Make sure you’re building that reset time into your schedules. Most of all, ENJOY! Get a little social, wear your mask and be present.

Patti

The Side Effects of Grief

June 2, 2021Mindset Mission#bereavement, #blogger, #changeyourmindset, #compassion, #empath, #feelings, #grief, #mygriefjourney, #perserverence, #perspective, #wendingmyway, #whyblog #mentalhealthpattifarnan

There is no doubt that loss changes us. That fact is indisputable. The loss and resulting grief is and always will be there. And that is the same for every person in this world. No matter who you are, where you live, or what you believe, you will lose someone at some point in your life that is important to you. This is something we all share as humans.

What is different is the WAY in which it impacts us. The side effects of that loss so to speak.

Grief is such a profoundly personal experience that I truly don’t feel there is anyone that can truly understand anyone else’s loss. I can only speak to my experience and how my losses have impacted me.

I have had some significant losses in my life and to tally them up, well it is just too much to think about. Some of these losses had minor impacts and those were impacts that were fleeting.

Others, especially the loss of my daughter, shaped how I view the world. It brought to the surface beliefs that were long buried (the side effect of losing my dad).

It has given me severe anxiety at the mere thought of something happening to my surviving daughter, grandchildren and spouse. Thankfully, I have my tools to help me with this.

These are what I refer to as side effects of grief and loss. Some good, some amazing, some awful.

I had noticed another personal side effect and really started to be more aware of it recently.

I feel other people’s pain and suffering for loss stronger than I ever did. I mean, I feel it physically and emotionally. I feel like I am looking straight into people’s heart and soul. I unintentionally take it as my own.

This happens with people I know and complete strangers.

I see mothers crying for lost children on the news and I cry for them, feeling a fraction of their pain.

I hear a child crying at the loss of a parent and want to hold them.

I see something online about mass deaths and I worry for their friends and family.

A friend loses a parent. I see their pain and I know I can’t make them better.

Someone loses a pet and I know they are hurting just as much as if it were a human child.

These are all situations that are personal to them, and their grief will be different from one person to the next, but the pain is not really different. I am not saying that I know how they feel, I just know that I can see it and I know the sheer depth of it.

So, my side effect of grief is empathy and compassion to the extreme. And I am good with it. It’s turning me into the kind of person I always wanted to be and really was on the inside. It’s made me more inclined to give people grace, It has made me far less judgemental and made me take a few steps back to try to understand where others are coming from. And to me, this is a blessing in spite of tragedy.

What is your grief side effect?

Until next time,

Patti

Quien tú Eres? (Who Are You?)

May 26, 2021Mindset Mission#2021, #affirmations, #bereavement, #blogger, #changeyourmindset, #ego, #goals, #grief, #intentions, #intuition, #lawofattraction, #manifestation, #mindsetmission, #wendingmyway, #whoareyoupattifarnan

This week so far has been awesome! I’m on vacation, Epicure “sidegig” is taking off and Mike got his second dose of the vaccine! All positive things.

This morning, I did my daily calm meditation. These are guided 10ish minute meditations that end with some thought provoking prompts and quotes. Today, it spoke about your identity, once you strip away your ego, titles, jobs etc..it was VERY deep. I actually sat in silent meditation for an extra 5 or 10 minutes and just let that idea of identity swirl around in my brain. It was time well spent and it brought me to earth and deep within myself.

I thought first about all the “things” I am: a mom, a nana, a spouse, an employee, a blogger, a beginner photographer, an entrepreneur(of sorts), a healthy eater, a cook, a cleaner, a bereaved parent. The list went on and on.

Then I started thinking about all that I want to be: a healed person, an incredibly successful “entrepreneur”, an author, wealthy, an influencer, a world traveller, etc etc etc

Then I thought..ALL of these things are Ego based as well as titles and societal expectations. When you start to strip that away…what am I actually left with?

I’m still pondering it. If I am not all of these things…WHAT am I? Is it that important that I figure this out right now?

Where I am at as I write this week’s post is this: I am an amazing compassionate spirit/being that is doing their best to receive and act on the guidance provided by the Universe.

That’s where I am. I am going to continue to ruminate. I am going to see where these thoughts guide me.

I also know, that it is still ok to be all of those things I listed and to want to achieve my goals. I love being all of those titles. I love being who I am in society and my family. I just need to understand who I am deep down inside of me. The part of me that has zero to do with my physical body.

I encourage you to sit and really pull the layers back and ask yourself who you really are.

As Bad Bunny says: Quien tú Eres?

Patti

What would you tell your younger self?

May 21, 2021Mindset Mission#2021, #50andfabulous, #affirmations, #blogger, #changeyourmindset, #ego, #freshstart, #goals, #intentions, #intuition, #lawofattraction, #louisehay #hayhouse, #manifestation, #youryoungerselfpattifarnan

This week was super exciting! My new business has really taken off and I was interviewed for a podcast!

On the podcast, I was asked the question: What would you tell your younger self?

My response was twofold: I said take care of your body sooner and don’t care what everyone thinks.

Got me thinking about how I would expand on this and why I would say the things I would say. So..knowing all that I have been through in my life. Here are the things I would tell myself:

You are beautiful and are going to make a difference

You are smart enough to do anything you want

Don’t let anyone else influence your decisions

Trust your gut and act on it

Believe in angels

Know when to change direction-it’s not quitting it’s rerouting

You are awesome

Don’t take no for an answer

As a younger version of me..I was so insecure. I let so many other people influence me. Even though inside I was a leader…I always allowed myself to be a follower. I allowed other people’s opinions of me to shape who I was.

Although it makes me sad to think about the person I was, I am grateful for it.

It gave me compassion when listening to other people’s stories that are going through this.

It gave me the life experience to help others.

It gave me so much mental strength.

It showed me who I don’t want to be.

It provided me the insight to know when my gut(intuition) is leading me on a different path.

We all have the power within us to stand up for ourselves. We just need to find our voice.

I would tell my younger self to just relax and embrace the journey. It will be a crazy ride, but you will come out on top in spite of it all. You are powerful.

What would you tell your younger self?

Patti

Gratitude

May 13, 2021Mindset Mission#2021, #50andfabulous, #affirmations, #bereavement, #blogger, #changeyourmindset, #grief, #intentions, #lawofattraction, #louisehay #hayhouse, #manifestation, #mindsetmission, #mygriefjourney, #perserverence, #perspective, #pride, #selflove#knowyourvalue, #wendingmywaypattifarnan

I woke up today in such a space of gratitude, that it started a chain of feelings and events that made things just start to click in my mind.

I feel like I am finally truly grasping the lessons I took in my daily Unlimited 40 day practice.
When you exist in such a state of being thankful for all that you have in the present moment, it welcomes in to you all that you could ever want.

I have been focusing on how happy I am in my present life:

I have a comfortable living space
I have a supportive spouse
I am tight with my family
I have a good job
I love writing this blog, it has helped me with so many things
I love my super supportive friends

Are there things that are not best in my life that I wish were different? OF COURSE!! But, I choose to focus on that which is good and therefore attract more of that to myself. The Universe will take care of the not so great things.

I have been writing a daily affirmation even when I didn’t truly believe it: My life is really really good. I am happy where I am and reaching for more.

This affirmation has brought me to where I am today, in this moment of happiness, satisfaction and excitement for the future.
It has welcomed a new opportunity in my life that is bringing me so much joy and allowing me to express myself in different ways and leverage my creativity.
I am so thankful for all that I have now, all that has happened to bring me to where I am today and what I will accomplish tomorrow.

What are you grateful for? What words are you speaking to yourself and what impact is this having on your life? Does this need to change?

This process is not something that happens overnight. It is gradual and it requires you to do some work. It’s not hard work but it is something that you must be consistent with. Here are some recommendations based on my findings:

Try incorporating a morning and evening gratitude practice for 30 days. Then, add in a daily positive affirmation for 30.
Observe how this makes you feel and what amazing things start to magically appear in your life.
Then, level that up; thank the universe/angels/god whomever you speak to for something you want in your life as though you already have it.

This is where I am at and it’s amazing what comes your way.
Report back.

Patti
Xo

What are you running from?

April 30, 2021Mindset Mission#2021, #50andfabulous, #bereavement, #blogger, #changeyourmindset, #ego, #freshstart, #goals, #grief, #intentions, #lawofattraction, #louisehay #hayhouse, #manifestation, #mindsetmission, #mygriefjourney, #perserverence, #perspective, #relationship, #selfcare, #selflove#knowyourvalue, #value, #wendingmywaypattifarnan

This quote this morning during my meditation grabbed me. I have faced more than my share of difficulty to put it mildly. And it has all changed me. It’s changed me in so many ways that when I run into people from my past, they are blown away by the transformation. It’s like being reborn.

The reason this quote got my attention today and got me thinking was the last piece…”we just need help in learning how not to run away.”

Powerful shit. I have been guilty of running and hiding all my life until the last little while. I just would avoid dealing with anything uncomfortable. I still struggle with some things but I am light years ahead of where I was.

I remember even as a child avoiding the uncomfortable. Vividly remember actually. Getting invited somewhere by friends, only to be questioned when I arrived as to why I was there. Little girls being mean just to be mean. And me not confronting it. Just mumbling that I must be mistaken and leaving hiding my tears

Being spoken down to as a teenager by a teacher who told me that math just wasn’t my thing. So I dropped the class rather than trying.

Cheated on by my ex husband for many years and not facing it. Turning a blind eye and pretending it wasn’t happening just because confronting it was too painful.

Stuffing down the pain of Kayla’s death because I didn’t feel I had the capacity to deal with it. Not feeling strong enough. Terrified that this would be the one thing that broke me forever.

All of these things are a lifelong pattern of not believing enough in yourself to just deal with it and end your own suffering. Believing that you’re just not worthy. You can spout all the self help and affirmations you want, but you have to face the feelings you have deep within yourself if you want to step into that radiant amazing being you really are.

Mediation has helped me start to emerge from my self imposed cocoon of doubt. Daily affirmations, and physically taking care of myself has also contributed to this. If you want to transform into your true beautiful self, you have to immerse yourself in the work. You can’t half ass it. You need to get in there and see the ugliness that’s there. You have to deal with it all.

You need to learn how not to run away.

Patti
Xo

Your words and thoughts create your reality

April 14, 2021Mindset Mission#2020, #2021, #50andfabulous, #bereavement, #birthdays, #blogger, #changeyourmindset, #ego, #freshstart, #goals, #goalsetting, #grief, #intentions, #lawofattraction, #louisehay #hayhouse, #manifestation, #mindsetmission, #mygriefjourney, #perserverence, #perspective, #selfcare, #selflove#knowyourvalue, #wendingmyway, #whyblog #mentalhealthpattifarnan

I did a post this week on my social media after I had a big epiphany and I thought we should talk about it here because it was so incredibly powerful.

I have been doing alot of self reflection type of work and working on loosening my grip on trying to be in control of literally everything and for a bit, it had me upside down and sideways in my mindset.

The biggest self discovery happened this week:

I figured out that turning 50 messed with me more than I thought it did.

When I was close to that magic number, my body was suddenly against me, or so I thought. I was gaining weight “for no reason” I “needed’ to move to lower impact workouts because well you know, “I’m getting older and I need to accept that’s where I’m at”. Looking back and reflecting on that, I mind fucked myself. I know that now. I believed that to be true, I said the words and that is the shit I manifested for myself. Wow. Mind blown. LIke seriously?

I found myself eating things that I KNEW my body hated, because what was the point? I’m getting older and you only live once so eat the cake. And yes, eat the cake is a thing that you should do, just not the WHOLE cake.

In the midst of all this shiz, I started doing the Unlimited workbook that I spoke about last week on the blog. Every morning, you read a few pages of information, then you say an affirmation, meditate and you write what you’re grateful for. You also write 3 things you want the universe to achieve for you and then you let that go. This workbook goes for a 40 day period.

Doing this every day really gets you digging in your heart of hearts. You start to see where you are working against yourself simply by thinking or saying things a certain way.

This was the start of my epiphany.

Then, I listened to an audio lesson on mindful eating. There are meditations you do to understand why you want to eat and helps you to determine if you really are hungry or if that’s just because you’re programmed that way. There is an exercise to write down how food makes you feel. By the way–mindful eating is really just that, it’s paying attention to your body and your food. It’s still ok to eat a certain way if it makes you feel good or you’re trying to achieve a specific goal.

This got me thinking about life in general and what makes me happiest. Then, I made a list. I sat there at 5 am and wrote a giant list about what I practice when I am at my best.

This simple task, showed me in black and white, what I needed to do in order to pick myself fully back up. It’s a few days later and I am back to eating the food that best fuels my body, working out pretty hard core, I’m organized and focused at work and in my personal life and I’m HAPPY! Like so happy. I encourage you to do this activity for yourself and let me know how you feel afterward.

Patti

Back at it! Sweating it out like a champ!

Time off for self care

April 9, 2021Mindset Mission#2021, #blogger, #changeyourmindset, #intentions, #louisehay #hayhouse, #mindsetmission, #mygriefjourney, #perserverence, #pride, #quit, #relationship, #selfcare, #selflove#knowyourvalue, #wendingmywaypattifarnan

Last week, I didn’t blog for the first time since I started this blog. I just wasn’t in the right headspace. I blog to share my story, the good, the bad and the ugly stuff, but I am not willing to write just for the sake of writing..and last week, that is what it would have been.

I let the world get to me over the past few weeks. I struggled to remain positive. I got dragged down into a shitty spin. It all became too much work: the eating, the mindset, the workouts, the staying positive, the coaching. All of it.

I think we are all really struggling again with the state of the world. The pandemic variants are creating havoc. In Ontario, we are once again under a state of emergency due to the insane amount of people getting sick. And looking around, it was the attitude of people that got to me. The complacency, the selfishness and the overall attitude. When a shutdown was announced, people were actually quoted on the news that they needed to get their nails and hair done “while they could”. For real. And I allowed that to really drag me down.

Thankfully, I mean really thankfully, I’ve done so much work on my mindset and created some super consistent habits that will always reign that nonsense in. I’m so grateful for meditation. If you do nothing else for yourself in your life, please at least meditate.

Even when I felt the shittiest, I still meditated. What that did was to help me step outside of my mental state and observe where I was at. Eventually, a plan came to me to get out of the funk.

Here is what I did to pull myself back to, well, myself:

I gave something up that was no longer working for me: Beachbody Coaching
I kept working out and meditating
I meal prepped and planned
I booked a day off work and spent my day outside in nature with my camera

That was all it took.

The first step, ending my coaching relationship with Beachbody was tough. I love coaching. I love their programs. I don’t love that you have to spend so much money to qualify as a coach. I don’t love their restrictions on promotion of other products. I don’t like their sales approach. It’s yucky to me. It felt like–not me. It was a hard decision but needed to be done. I’m still running an accountability group FOR FREE because I love it. It keeps me on track and I love seeing other people’s success. More to come on that group on my social media.

The working out, meditation and meal planning are already habits that are ingrained at this point. No matter what, it’s something that is always done. That doesn’t mean that when I’m struggling I didn’t go to Dairy Queen and I didn’t eat an entire chocolate bunny in a day. It just means that the structure is already there, making it easier to get back fully on track when I’m ready.

The day off work was probably the most valuable thing I did. I got outside. I found so much to love and appreciate in nature. The sun, the new spring flowers and all the little birds and critters. It did WONDERS for my soul. It allowed me to come back and be ME. Patient, positive, loving life ME.

I feel like this little bird, just living my best life and singing its praises. I pray you all are living life like this bird.

Patti

Someone out there loves you

March 26, 2021Mindset Mission#bereavement, #changeyourmindset, #grief, #mindsetmission, #selfcare, #selflove#knowyourvalue, #suicideprevention, #wendingmyway, #whyblog #mentalhealthpattifarnan

This week, I want to cover something that happened this week that was absolutely awful.

Trigger warning: this post talks about suicide and mental health.

I’m part of many awesome online communities of strong women. Safe places where we can lift each other up in mental health, fitness, nutrition, all sorts of things. You end up meeting lots of individuals. Over the past week, in one of the smaller communities, we discovered that a very active participant had lost her battle with mental health, and took her own life. I don’t actually know her, never met her face to face but have seen her pictures and messages she posted. And when things like this happen, you look for past signs. Did we in the group miss something? You ask yourself, could I have been the one to have saved her?

To me, the answer is a resounding no. And there’s a reason for this and you may agree and you may not. You see, I’ve been through so many losses like this and I’ve examined every single one under the strongest microscope you could possibly find, and the answer is always no. If I were the one to save that person, the one that made that difference that day, it would have happened. Those people would still be here today. It was not meant to be.

I have mixed feelings about suicide. When it’s someone that is terminally ill, and in pain..I am on board for the most part. Now this is where the inner conflict gets me….what about mentally in pain? For these precious individuals they are in pain that is so unbearable, there is no other way out. No light at the end of their dark mental tunnel. And to me, that is tragic in itself. It’s almost mentally unbearable to me to think that someone would or could ever feel that way. It is also a scary feeling to understand that they would feel that way.

The other side of the coin for me has happened since I lost Kayla. When it’s a young person and they take their life, part of me gets ANGRY. Like blood boiling, How dare they give up their life, when I know she would have done anything to stay here? It’s hard to let those bitter feelings go. That’s where I loop back to my empathy and compassion for the person and how dark a place they would need to be in. And those feelings win. I hate to think of how dark a storm must be for them to do this, because, with all the darkness I have seen and in the lowest moments of my life, never have I felt that level of despair that I even contemplated this.

I am putting this out to all of you that read my blog: Please, I beg of you, if you are in that dark, black terrible hole and you’re even getting an inkling of feeling that suicide is your only option, talk to someone, ANYONE. It doesn’t have to be me. It doesn’t have to even be someone you know. It can be the person beside you in the grocery store, I don’t care who,..just talk to them. We want your magnificent light to continue to shine. There is always hope even in that dark tunnel. We got you. You are loved now more than ever, in your imperfection.

You can click this link to access help and to understand warning signs of suicide.

Let’s all hold each other up in love and peace.

Patti

Wending My Way

Navigate through life, no matter what path you take. The easy road is not always the right road.

Tag Archives: #changeyourmindset

I love myself enough

Gut Check

The Side Effects of Grief

Quien tú Eres? (Who Are You?)

What would you tell your younger self?

Gratitude

What are you running from?

Your words and thoughts create your reality

Time off for self care

Someone out there loves you