Tag Archives: #freshstart

5 years

January 28, 2022Mindset Mission#bereavement, #blogger, #changeyourmindset, #compassion, #feelings, #freshstart, #grief, #mindsetmission, #mygriefjourney, #parentalloss #bereavedparentawareness, #perserverence, #selfcare, #wendingmyway, #whyblog #mentalhealthpattifarnan

I’ll be honest. I never thought I would be able to live beyond the heartache of losing my daughter. I really didn’t think I would ever get to the level of peace and ok-ness that I am at either.

In many ways, 5 years seems like yesterday and yet it’s also a lifetime. There has been anger, frustration, fear, anxiety, hope, hatred, peace, love..you name it, it’s all happened. Screaming, crying, laughing til it hurts.

Nothing can ever prepare you for a loss of this magnitude. Nothing. But I do attribute getting through this the way I have to a number of things:

The mindset and attitude I had pre loss
My belief system
The unbelievable support of my family and friends
Getting outside
Letting my emotions out
Talking about my loss
Writing in all formats
Taking care of me on all levels
Research
Counselling

Finally after 5 years, I see light. I feel lighter. I feel ready to live. I am ready to be me again with no guilt about that (believe me there was a ton of it; more on that in another post)

That’s me. I feel like I am in a really good place at this point. I still cry and have my moments, but it’s different. It’s like a reset button.

I still miss Kayla’s smile and laugh and sense of humor. I miss her stunning beauty. I wish she got to raise her beautiful daughter and see how much she resembles her. I miss her swearing. I miss her farting and laughing hysterically about it. I miss everything about her. I wish it was different but I have accepted that it’s not. This is the reality and I am still here. I cannot waste this opportunity called life. Kayla passed…I did not.

All of this is my reflection at the 5 years of loss point. I write as I hope it will give someone else hope. There is light at the end of the long twisted and very dark tunnel. Keep Wending your Way.

Patti

Still Wending

September 5, 2021Mindset Mission#2021, #50andfabulous, #affirmations, #blogger, #changeyourmindset, #compassion, #covid19, #feelings, #freshstart, #mindsetmission, #perserverence, #perspective, #whyblog #mentalhealthpattifarnan

It’s been a bit! I have not been in the best writing space lately. Alot has been contributing to this..the ongoing uncertainty of this pandemic is the big one. I have been letting some great practices slide, becoming complacent in my mindset.

The last few weeks I have been growing increasingly fatigued and frustrated with the way people are treating each other. We are living in a very divided society and I’m sure these shitty times will be well documented for our future generations to shake their heads at.

There are many different opinions- I am refusing to acknowledge”sides” because that to me seems like I’m ok with it. And I’m not.

I’m not here to change anyone’s opinions or mind on any of it. I know that no matter what, I will not convinced you that my opinion is the way to go, just like I know that you can’t sway me from mine. That’s called respecting others.

What I would like to suggest is a truce. A place where we mutually respect each other and just carry on. Where we can actually co-exist in peace!

Until that happens, here is my plan: I’m committed to living in my own universe. My own reality where none of these ugly words are happening.

Yep. I’m ignoring it all. You can call me naive if you’d like. I really don’t mind.

I used to very blissfully exist in my own reality where everyone had the best of intentions for everyone and everything and honestly I was good with it. If it meant people took advantage of my kindness, oh well.

My ex husband made me feel like it wasn’t ok to think like that. He would tell me I lived in my own little world in disgust. I should have known then that relationship was doomed but I didn’t.

Well, I’m older and wiser now. And isn’t it funny that I’ve had to read books and do activities to come back to something that is naturally how I exist?

You can choose to live like this. It doesn’t mean you don’t pay attention to what’s happening in the world. It means you remain neutral unless there is really something that needs action for your personal wellbeing. It means shutting out the noise and formulating your own way out of this mess. It means respecting people’s privacy and comfort levels.

I know many of you are with me.

So off I go, to wend my way blissfully into the calm world where peace and love exist. Come with me, it’s wonderful here.

Patti

I love myself enough

July 8, 2021Mindset Mission#2021, #50andfabulous, #affirmations, #blogger, #changeyourmindset, #compassion, #feelings, #freshstart, #intentions, #intuition, #manifestation, #mindsetmission, #perserverence, #pride, #relationship, #selflove#knowyourvalue, #wendingmyway, #whoareyou, #whyblog #mentalhealthpattifarnan

I’ve been absent from the blog for a few weeks now…life’s been really busy, my mindset has not been in the best space to focus on writing. Today though, I had a bit of an epiphany.

Today’s post is not as much about my grief journey as it is about mindset and about loving yourself enough to put yourself first.

I’m not talking about saying no to everything and everyone, nor am I saying it’s ok to be selfish. Because, loving yourself is only about you, and doesn’t depend on anyone else.

It’s not selfish because of this. Its internal and personal and I felt it was something to discuss today because I struggle with this.

I found over the past few days, I have not been honest with myself..thanks to a beautiful group I am in with an amazing person leading. Sure, I’ve been doing all the things: meditation, journalling, blogging about mindset and selfcare and all the other “buzzwords” you can think of.

And yes, I have come a LONG way from the person I was, but, I’m slowly and painfully realizing that I have so much more work to do.

I am saying yes to things I want to say no to. I am doing things that don’t support me. I’m dimming my light in order to keep peace and not make others uncomfortable.

This morning, as I was drying my hair, I really looked in that mirror with only love and compassion. It sounds cheesey af, but I said to myself “I love you enough to put you first”. And I meant it.

We need to be our own number one priority. If we aren’t, then we can’t be our genuine selves and our loved ones, our friends and coworkers, people we see on the street..they deserve to see our beautiful light.

We are all here for a reason. I really believe it’s a path to enlightenment: whatever that means for you.

My authentic self is someone that just loves the world and sees the light in the dark. That is just who I am. I smile at strangers, I help others when they need it. I love life.

Please put yourself first. I want to see your brilliant light.

Patti

Gut Check

June 11, 2021Mindset Mission#2021, #50andfabulous, #affirmations, #blogger, #changeyourmindset, #compassion, #covid19, #feelings, #freshstart, #mindsetmission, #pandemic, #perspective, #reopening, #selfcare, #selflove#knowyourvalue, #value, #wendingmyway, #whyblog #mentalhealthpattifarnan

Things are starting to change again in the world at a rapid pace. Businesses are reopening, people are getting vaccinated, less people are sick and workplaces are preparing for employees to come back to work in person.

All of this is long awaited and for many, very exciting. We all need to be around other humans and have that social interaction, but let’s face it..for most of us it’s been quite some time and we have changed our lives to match being solitary!

So now what? How do we prepare ourselves to reintegrate into society? What if I am anxious about it? What to do?

Here are my thoughts, and they are just that…they are not medical opinions by any stretch of the imagination.

Now is the time to really embrace our mindsets and make sure we are practicing our self care the most!

There is alot going on and it is ok to feel anxious about it, I know that I am myself.

Let’s chat quickly about some of this stuff. The vaccination debate is really divisive. People have super strong opinions about it. It is perfectly ok to have your own ideas! Let’s just start there. It is NOT ok to push your beliefs/ideas on someone else. Whatever side of the discussion you are on, my advice is to keep it to yourself. No matter what YOUR belief is, other people will continue with theirs NO MATTER what you tell them. There is way too much emotion involved in this debate for you to sway anyone in either direction and it is not up to you to change that.

If you believe in vaccination and you don’t want to be around people that aren’t, that is up to you. Just calmly inform those people that you will be keeping to people that are vaccinated and leave it at that. No discussion. That’s all. The same goes if you don’t believe in vaccination. You do you, and keep your opinions to yourself.

There doesn’t need to be conflict or debate or arguing or even violence! We can agree to disagree and go with whatever path we are personally comfortable with. I’m seeing so much debate and division among families and that makes me sad. I really hope that we can find some common ground along the way.

So that addresses one thing. Let’s talk about the anxiety levels and what you can do to alleviate them.

You know I’m going to say meditation! Obviously. It is the BEST way to alleviate anxiety and work out what is happening in your brain. You need other self care too. Enjoy time outside, go for a walk, read a book on your patio, do a puzzle, knit-whatever makes you happy and calm.

When it comes to reintegration to society–yes I am calling it that because that is really what it is, I have some ideas.

So many of you have made a lot of really positive changes over the past year and a half. There are also some habits that are not so positive that have developed. My plan for myself is to write it all down and decide what I want to keep and what needs to go away. Then, create an action plan to make sure this happens.

The other idea, is to go slow. Baby step it back to seeing people. Go with your comfort level and be ok with saying NO. If there is a situation you are not quite ready for yet, decline politely. You don’t need to offer an explanation. Just no thanks or not today. That’s it. If your people don’t respect that, get new people.

This is a change and it has potential to be overwhelming and overstimulating. Make sure you’re building that reset time into your schedules. Most of all, ENJOY! Get a little social, wear your mask and be present.

Patti

What would you tell your younger self?

May 21, 2021Mindset Mission#2021, #50andfabulous, #affirmations, #blogger, #changeyourmindset, #ego, #freshstart, #goals, #intentions, #intuition, #lawofattraction, #louisehay #hayhouse, #manifestation, #youryoungerselfpattifarnan

This week was super exciting! My new business has really taken off and I was interviewed for a podcast!

On the podcast, I was asked the question: What would you tell your younger self?

My response was twofold: I said take care of your body sooner and don’t care what everyone thinks.

Got me thinking about how I would expand on this and why I would say the things I would say. So..knowing all that I have been through in my life. Here are the things I would tell myself:

You are beautiful and are going to make a difference

You are smart enough to do anything you want

Don’t let anyone else influence your decisions

Trust your gut and act on it

Believe in angels

Know when to change direction-it’s not quitting it’s rerouting

You are awesome

Don’t take no for an answer

As a younger version of me..I was so insecure. I let so many other people influence me. Even though inside I was a leader…I always allowed myself to be a follower. I allowed other people’s opinions of me to shape who I was.

Although it makes me sad to think about the person I was, I am grateful for it.

It gave me compassion when listening to other people’s stories that are going through this.

It gave me the life experience to help others.

It gave me so much mental strength.

It showed me who I don’t want to be.

It provided me the insight to know when my gut(intuition) is leading me on a different path.

We all have the power within us to stand up for ourselves. We just need to find our voice.

I would tell my younger self to just relax and embrace the journey. It will be a crazy ride, but you will come out on top in spite of it all. You are powerful.

What would you tell your younger self?

Patti

What are you running from?

April 30, 2021Mindset Mission#2021, #50andfabulous, #bereavement, #blogger, #changeyourmindset, #ego, #freshstart, #goals, #grief, #intentions, #lawofattraction, #louisehay #hayhouse, #manifestation, #mindsetmission, #mygriefjourney, #perserverence, #perspective, #relationship, #selfcare, #selflove#knowyourvalue, #value, #wendingmywaypattifarnan

This quote this morning during my meditation grabbed me. I have faced more than my share of difficulty to put it mildly. And it has all changed me. It’s changed me in so many ways that when I run into people from my past, they are blown away by the transformation. It’s like being reborn.

The reason this quote got my attention today and got me thinking was the last piece…”we just need help in learning how not to run away.”

Powerful shit. I have been guilty of running and hiding all my life until the last little while. I just would avoid dealing with anything uncomfortable. I still struggle with some things but I am light years ahead of where I was.

I remember even as a child avoiding the uncomfortable. Vividly remember actually. Getting invited somewhere by friends, only to be questioned when I arrived as to why I was there. Little girls being mean just to be mean. And me not confronting it. Just mumbling that I must be mistaken and leaving hiding my tears

Being spoken down to as a teenager by a teacher who told me that math just wasn’t my thing. So I dropped the class rather than trying.

Cheated on by my ex husband for many years and not facing it. Turning a blind eye and pretending it wasn’t happening just because confronting it was too painful.

Stuffing down the pain of Kayla’s death because I didn’t feel I had the capacity to deal with it. Not feeling strong enough. Terrified that this would be the one thing that broke me forever.

All of these things are a lifelong pattern of not believing enough in yourself to just deal with it and end your own suffering. Believing that you’re just not worthy. You can spout all the self help and affirmations you want, but you have to face the feelings you have deep within yourself if you want to step into that radiant amazing being you really are.

Mediation has helped me start to emerge from my self imposed cocoon of doubt. Daily affirmations, and physically taking care of myself has also contributed to this. If you want to transform into your true beautiful self, you have to immerse yourself in the work. You can’t half ass it. You need to get in there and see the ugliness that’s there. You have to deal with it all.

You need to learn how not to run away.

Patti
Xo

Your words and thoughts create your reality

April 14, 2021Mindset Mission#2020, #2021, #50andfabulous, #bereavement, #birthdays, #blogger, #changeyourmindset, #ego, #freshstart, #goals, #goalsetting, #grief, #intentions, #lawofattraction, #louisehay #hayhouse, #manifestation, #mindsetmission, #mygriefjourney, #perserverence, #perspective, #selfcare, #selflove#knowyourvalue, #wendingmyway, #whyblog #mentalhealthpattifarnan

I did a post this week on my social media after I had a big epiphany and I thought we should talk about it here because it was so incredibly powerful.

I have been doing alot of self reflection type of work and working on loosening my grip on trying to be in control of literally everything and for a bit, it had me upside down and sideways in my mindset.

The biggest self discovery happened this week:

I figured out that turning 50 messed with me more than I thought it did.

When I was close to that magic number, my body was suddenly against me, or so I thought. I was gaining weight “for no reason” I “needed’ to move to lower impact workouts because well you know, “I’m getting older and I need to accept that’s where I’m at”. Looking back and reflecting on that, I mind fucked myself. I know that now. I believed that to be true, I said the words and that is the shit I manifested for myself. Wow. Mind blown. LIke seriously?

I found myself eating things that I KNEW my body hated, because what was the point? I’m getting older and you only live once so eat the cake. And yes, eat the cake is a thing that you should do, just not the WHOLE cake.

In the midst of all this shiz, I started doing the Unlimited workbook that I spoke about last week on the blog. Every morning, you read a few pages of information, then you say an affirmation, meditate and you write what you’re grateful for. You also write 3 things you want the universe to achieve for you and then you let that go. This workbook goes for a 40 day period.

Doing this every day really gets you digging in your heart of hearts. You start to see where you are working against yourself simply by thinking or saying things a certain way.

This was the start of my epiphany.

Then, I listened to an audio lesson on mindful eating. There are meditations you do to understand why you want to eat and helps you to determine if you really are hungry or if that’s just because you’re programmed that way. There is an exercise to write down how food makes you feel. By the way–mindful eating is really just that, it’s paying attention to your body and your food. It’s still ok to eat a certain way if it makes you feel good or you’re trying to achieve a specific goal.

This got me thinking about life in general and what makes me happiest. Then, I made a list. I sat there at 5 am and wrote a giant list about what I practice when I am at my best.

This simple task, showed me in black and white, what I needed to do in order to pick myself fully back up. It’s a few days later and I am back to eating the food that best fuels my body, working out pretty hard core, I’m organized and focused at work and in my personal life and I’m HAPPY! Like so happy. I encourage you to do this activity for yourself and let me know how you feel afterward.

Patti

Back at it! Sweating it out like a champ!

Shifting Perspectives–Change your Mindset

March 18, 2021Mindset Mission#2020, #50andfabulous, #bereavement, #blogger, #changeyourmindset, #covid19, #freshstart, #goals, #grief, #intentions, #louisehay #hayhouse, #mindsetmission, #mygriefjourney, #pandemic, #perserverence, #perspective, #relationship, #selfcare, #selflove#knowyourvalue, #wendingmyway, #whyblog #mentalhealthpattifarnan

Why does everything always happen to me?

How does the above statement make you feel? It brings me down and makes me sad. It makes me feel or it implies that all bad things happen to this person and there is no escaping from it. It sounds dismal and negative. It sounds like a punishment that never ends. I immediately feel sorry for this person that is saying this.

Now, take that same statement but change one word: Why does everything always happen for me?

This sounds like revelation. It sounds like self discovery. Like nothing but good things happen for this person. It sounds like the universe, or God or Angels or whatever you believe in is doing this person a FAVOR.

See how easily you can shift things with a very simple shift in your perspective? That was a change of 2 very short 2 and 3 letter words. Crazy but true.

I have been practicing this mindset shift (at least doing my best at it anyway) and it is life altering to say the least. I am in a better mood, and my outlook on life is genuinely more positive and hopeful.

When something happens that we feel is a negative…rather than asking why it’s happening TO us, let’s start asking why it’s happening FOR us. Ask what doors will this open up for me? How does this event or thing change the path I am on? What lesson is this teaching me?

Life is so full of potential with this simple shift. It’s helped me see light in tragedy, and altered my overall view on life, and in turn, my beliefs.

I’d love to see you give this a try yourself. In the coming days/weeks or even months, when a challenging situation arises, or something “negative” happens to you, shift the view to why it’s happening FOR you and see where that takes you.

I bet it’s somewhere awesome.

Patti

What a year!

March 11, 2021Mindset Mission#2020, #2021, #50andfabulous, #bereavement, #blogger, #changeyourmindset, #covid19, #freshstart, #grief, #louisehay #hayhouse, #mindsetmission, #mygriefjourney, #pandemic, #perserverence, #pride, #relationship, #selfcare, #selflove#knowyourvalue, #turkey, #wendingmyway, #whyblog #mentalhealthpattifarnan

This week marks the one year anniversary that a global pandemic was announced. We were sent home from work “for a few weeks” and we really thought it would all be over then. Here we are..the world indelibly changed: How we shop, how we work, how we socialize and even celebrate. Looking back, I didn’t see even a twinkle of this coming. So what have I been able to learn and observe this past year personally? Turns out, alot.

What I learned about myself during a global pandemic:

I was in complete denial about where I was in my grief journey. I honestly thought I was doing well and functioning, which I was, however, life was crazy and we were always doing things so it was easy to bury what was really going on. Getting into a lockdown, with nowhere to go, forced me to deal with the emotions that were right there under the surface. With the use of my mindset tools I have to say I’m in a way better spot than I have been in my entire life.
I am not quite as social as I thought I was. As much as I love people, I enjoyed not having to attend social functions and just being able to slow things down.
I am super attached to my family. I mean, I knew I was, but now I REALLY KNOW. Being away from them during the lockdowns has been absolute torture. I’m just happy and thankful that between lockdown periods we’ve been able to be together.
I found some hobbies. I love birds and I love photography (and the combination of the two)and I really love writing. Both of these hobbies have been a fantastic creative outlet for me and have been incredibly therapeutic.
I am more productive working from home and I love working from home.
I love shopping online, even for groceries. I would have everything delivered if I could. (we are almost there).
I’m a pet person.
I have awesome cooking and baking skills which have served me well, especially when bread was scarce and everything was closed (no takeout)
I don’t need a gym to get in shape
I am very open to a power greater than myself.

Cool and Awesome byproducts of the pandemic for me:

I started this blog!
I got really dialled in with nutrition and exercise
I got out way more in nature
I got really consistent with meditation
I took long breaks from drinking
I started coaching for Beachbody
I discovered Epicure
I got to spend tons of time with Mike
I appreciate my family WAY more
I get to work from home
I can identify a lot more birds now
I got a nice camera and I’m getting better at using it
I did multiple puzzles
We did a few road trips and had fun exploring
I reconnected with old friends and found friendship with people that I didn’t realize I would.
I got a new grandson!

The pandemic has been awful in so many ways. So many lives lost. So many businesses lost. So many people are struggling with mental health. Kids not being able to be normal kids. I am not making light. I know that I am so incredibly fortunate to be able to work and be safe and healthy here at home.

I have been up and down mentally but I chose to write about the positives today because that is what I am choosing to do from a mindset perspective. Let’s focus on the positive so that is what we continue to attract to ourselves.

Is there anything you learned about yourself during the past year? Did you develop a new skill or hobby? Comment and let me know!!

Patti

Knowing your worth

February 26, 2021Mindset Mission#2021, #50andfabulous, #beachbodycoach, #changeyourmindset, #freshstart, #goals, #goalsetting, #grief, #intentions, #louisehay #hayhouse, #mindsetmission, #relationship, #selfcare, #selflove#knowyourvalue, #value, #wendingmywaypattifarnan

I’ve been talking alot this week about knowing your value. Since going back to my Barre Blend workouts and doing the accompanying daily affirmations again, it’s really had me thinking about this topic.

There is such a misconception out in the world that if someone values themselves and therefore carries themselves differently that they’re either arrogant, selfish or greedy.

I’m going to start here: it’s not selfish to know what you’re worth and that translates not only to taking care of you and your mental and physical body but it also goes with monetary gains.

So speaking about monetary gains.

When I read You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay, she talks about not undervaluing yourself. For instance, you are an artist. And you undercharge for your work, and then you struggle to pay bills while doing what you love. That is a prime example of someone not knowing their worth. This person doesn’t see their value, so therefore they don’t think others will either.

Now, let’s talk about not taking care of yourself mentally or physically. When you don’t know your value, you don’t take the time to take care of these things. The rationale sounds so noble: I don’t have time because I’m always working..I don’t have time because I have kids..I don’t have time because I volunteer in my spare time.

People, not taking care of YOU, means that you are valuing everyone else above you. You are putting out to the world that every other person’s needs are more important than your own. It’s not noble. It’s sad.

When we value ourselves enough to take good care of ourselves first, we are happier, healthier and wealthier. It puts us in a better situation and headspace to help the people we so value in our lives.

I saw online this week something that hit this home in my heart: When you’re on a plane, listening to emergency instructions, you are told to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before assisting others. Why? Because you can’t help someone else if you’re dead.

I urge you to start prioritizing yourself and really know what you’re worth. It will open doors you never thought possible.

Patti
Xo

Wending My Way

Navigate through life, no matter what path you take. The easy road is not always the right road.

Tag Archives: #freshstart

5 years

Still Wending

I love myself enough

Gut Check

What would you tell your younger self?

What are you running from?

Your words and thoughts create your reality

Shifting Perspectives–Change your Mindset

What a year!

Knowing your worth