Tag Archives: #goals

What are you running from?

Courtesy of Calm app

This quote this morning during my meditation grabbed me. I have faced more than my share of difficulty to put it mildly. And it has all changed me. It’s changed me in so many ways that when I run into people from my past, they are blown away by the transformation. It’s like being reborn.

The reason this quote got my attention today and got me thinking was the last piece…”we just need help in learning how not to run away.”

Powerful shit. I have been guilty of running and hiding all my life until the last little while. I just would avoid dealing with anything uncomfortable. I still struggle with some things but I am light years ahead of where I was.

I remember even as a child avoiding the uncomfortable. Vividly remember actually. Getting invited somewhere by friends, only to be questioned when I arrived as to why I was there. Little girls being mean just to be mean. And me not confronting it. Just mumbling that I must be mistaken and leaving hiding my tears

Being spoken down to as a teenager by a teacher who told me that math just wasn’t my thing. So I dropped the class rather than trying.

Cheated on by my ex husband for many years and not facing it. Turning a blind eye and pretending it wasn’t happening just because confronting it was too painful.

Stuffing down the pain of Kayla’s death because I didn’t feel I had the capacity to deal with it. Not feeling strong enough. Terrified that this would be the one thing that broke me forever.

All of these things are a lifelong pattern of not believing enough in yourself to just deal with it and end your own suffering. Believing that you’re just not worthy. You can spout all the self help and affirmations you want, but you have to face the feelings you have deep within yourself if you want to step into that radiant amazing being you really are.

Mediation has helped me start to emerge from my self imposed cocoon of doubt. Daily affirmations, and physically taking care of myself has also contributed to this. If you want to transform into your true beautiful self, you have to immerse yourself in the work. You can’t half ass it. You need to get in there and see the ugliness that’s there. You have to deal with it all.

You need to learn how not to run away.

Patti
Xo

Your words and thoughts create your reality

I did a post this week on my social media after I had a big epiphany and I thought we should talk about it here because it was so incredibly powerful.

I have been doing alot of self reflection type of work and working on loosening my grip on trying to be in control of literally everything and for a bit, it had me upside down and sideways in my mindset.

The biggest self discovery happened this week:

I figured out that turning 50 messed with me more than I thought it did. 

When I was close to that magic number, my body was suddenly against me, or so I thought. I was gaining weight “for no reason” I “needed’ to move to lower impact workouts because well you know, “I’m getting older and I need to accept that’s where I’m at”. Looking back and reflecting on that, I mind fucked myself. I know that now. I believed that to be true, I said the words and that is the shit I manifested for myself. Wow. Mind blown. LIke seriously?

I found myself eating things that I KNEW my body hated, because what was the point? I’m getting older and you only live once so eat the cake. And yes, eat the cake is a thing that you should do, just not the WHOLE cake.

In the midst of all this shiz, I started doing the Unlimited workbook that I spoke about last week on the blog. Every morning, you read a few pages of information, then you say an affirmation, meditate and you write what you’re grateful for. You also write 3 things you want the universe to achieve for you and then you let that go. This workbook goes for a 40 day period.

Doing this every day really gets you digging in your heart of hearts. You start to see where you are working against yourself simply by thinking or saying things a certain way. 

This was the start of my epiphany. 

Then, I listened to an audio lesson on mindful eating. There are meditations you do to understand why you want to eat and helps you to determine if you really are hungry or if that’s just because you’re programmed that way. There is an exercise to write down how food makes you feel. By the way–mindful eating is really just that, it’s paying attention to your body and your food. It’s still ok to eat a certain way if it makes you feel good or you’re trying to achieve a specific goal. 

This got me thinking about life in general and what makes me happiest. Then, I made a list. I sat there at 5 am and wrote a giant list about what I practice when I am at my best. 

This simple task, showed me in black and white, what I needed to do in order to pick myself fully back up. It’s a few days later and I am back to eating the food that best fuels my body, working out pretty hard core, I’m organized and focused at work and in my personal life and I’m HAPPY! Like so happy. I encourage you to do this activity for yourself and let me know how you feel afterward. 

Patti

xo

Back at it! Sweating it out like a champ!
Yummy fuel!

Shifting Perspectives–Change your Mindset

Why does everything always happen to me?

How does the above statement make you feel? It brings me down and makes me sad. It makes me feel or it implies that all bad things happen to this person and there is no escaping from it. It sounds dismal and negative. It sounds like a punishment that never ends. I immediately feel sorry for this person that is saying this.

Now, take that same statement but change one word: Why does everything always happen for me?

This sounds like revelation. It sounds like self discovery. Like nothing but good things happen for this person. It sounds like the universe, or God or Angels or whatever you believe in is doing this person a FAVOR.

See how easily you can shift things with a very simple shift in your perspective? That was a change of 2 very short 2 and 3 letter words. Crazy but true.

I have been practicing this mindset shift (at least doing my best at it anyway) and it is life altering to say the least. I am in a better mood, and my outlook on life is genuinely more positive and hopeful.

When something happens that we feel is a negative…rather than asking why it’s happening TO us, let’s start asking why it’s happening FOR us. Ask what doors will this open up for me? How does this event or thing change the path I am on? What lesson is this teaching me?

Life is so full of potential with this simple shift. It’s helped me see light in tragedy, and altered my overall view on life, and in turn, my beliefs.

I’d love to see you give this a try yourself. In the coming days/weeks or even months, when a challenging situation arises, or something “negative” happens to you, shift the view to why it’s happening FOR you and see where that takes you.

I bet it’s somewhere awesome.

Patti

xo

Knowing your worth

I’ve been talking alot this week about knowing your value. Since going back to my Barre Blend workouts and doing the accompanying daily affirmations again, it’s really had me thinking about this topic.

There is such a misconception out in the world that if someone values themselves and therefore carries themselves differently that they’re either arrogant, selfish or greedy.

I’m going to start here: it’s not selfish to know what you’re worth and that translates not only to taking care of you and your mental and physical body but it also goes with monetary gains.

So speaking about monetary gains.

When I read You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay, she talks about not undervaluing yourself. For instance, you are an artist. And you undercharge for your work, and then you struggle to pay bills while doing what you love. That is a prime example of someone not knowing their worth. This person doesn’t see their value, so therefore they don’t think others will either.

Now, let’s talk about not taking care of yourself mentally or physically. When you don’t know your value, you don’t take the time to take care of these things. The rationale sounds so noble: I don’t have time because I’m always working..I don’t have time because I have kids..I don’t have time because I volunteer in my spare time.

People, not taking care of YOU, means that you are valuing everyone else above you. You are putting out to the world that every other person’s needs are more important than your own. It’s not noble. It’s sad.

When we value ourselves enough to take good care of ourselves first, we are happier, healthier and wealthier. It puts us in a better situation and headspace to help the people we so value in our lives.

I saw online this week something that hit this home in my heart: When you’re on a plane, listening to emergency instructions, you are told to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before assisting others. Why? Because you can’t help someone else if you’re dead.

I urge you to start prioritizing yourself and really know what you’re worth. It will open doors you never thought possible.

Patti
Xo

Older and Wiser?

I had a milestone birthday this week. I turned the big 5-0! Turning this age was not what I was anticipating. I’m not sure what I was expecting…but I was surprised with how I felt about it. I will spare the platitudes: age is just a number and all that nonsense (although it really is). My daughter just kept saying she can’t wrap her head around me being 50, and I have to say I’m with her. I honestly can’t believe it. 

I don’t feel like what I anticipated this age would feel like when I looked toward it from my 20’s, 30’s and even my 40’s. I guess I thought I’d instantly age? Funny how perspective changes once you’re in it. 

I kind of thought that fun life would be all over at 50. Truth is, I’m having more fun (pandemic aside) now than I ever did when I was younger. Here are some of my observations:

I don’t sweat the small stuff

I may go to bed a lot earlier, but I also get up earlier which means I see some pretty beautiful sunrises

I’m way more calm

I don’t give a shit what other people think of me

Things at this stage of my life just feel better. 

I speak up for myself 

I know myself and trust my judgement

I’m an incredibly strong person, I’ve been through so much and yet, here I still am..happy and positive.

So true story here…and the reason why it surprised me that I didn’t freak out about turning this age:

I was always morbidly terrified of growing old, because I was closer to death. So I worried about it alot as a kid, and then well into my 40’s. LIke I legit worried about it almost constantly.

Not long ago, I realized that this mindset was stealing my enjoyment of the present. I attribute a lot of my mindset and being able to enjoy the present to my meditation practice, but I’m betting some of the credit needs to go to getting older and wiser too. 

I guess what I am saying is this: if you’re worried about getting older, please stop. Enjoy where you’re at! I think I’m really going to enjoy exploring my life perspective in my fifties. 

Patti
Xo

When Quitting is Actually Winning

It’s ok to be a quitter. I know that we are taught the opposite growing up, but I’m telling you now, that mindset is toxic.

Now let me clarify. I am not talking here about just giving up on something because it’s too hard, or painful or we just don’t wanna. 

I am talking about quitting things when we know that something has run its course. Ending something that is no longer working for us because we listen to our gut, our intuition, however you want to put it.

Listening to your gut instinct, that’s huge. 

It’s not the easy road, in fact it can be pretty freaking painful, but the end result is ALWAYS worth it.

So how do you know the difference between just giving up before it’s time and knowing it’s right?

That’s a tough question to answer.

I think it comes down to a lot of things. You need to ask yourself some tough questions and really sit and listen to the answers. I recommend sitting in meditation for a few minutes before digging in. 

Once you’re in that calm and neutral state, ask yourself the following things:

  • How is this situation serving me?
  • If I stick with this situation, what do I see the outcome being?
  • Is making a change worth the pain that the change could cause?

You can apply this to any situation really.

Romantic relationships, family, friends, jobs, careers..anything that you may be on the fence about.

Self reflection is a gift to yourself. Why would you want to short change your life?

I am only recently grasping this. I have been in so many situations in life for far too long simply because I didn’t love myself enough to make decisions FOR MY WELL BEING. I literally lived in order to make everyone else happy. Changing from that person to where I am today has taken me to a better place. A place where I’m not afraid to change, or speak my mind.

The situation recently for me was switching off a workout program that I was enjoying. It was actually detrimental to my health when I sat and asked myself those questions. And while it may seem like a totally trivial thing, it wasn’t to me. 

As a Beachbody coach, the expectation is to try all the programs when they come out. My OCD brain says that means complete it. I want to know the programs so I can best serve my clients, But, what cost to myself was I really willing to accept? I was looking at quitting as a failure, when in reality in the grand scheme of things, I only have one body. That one body doesn’t give a shit about Beachbody clients. 

It truly was an aha moment that, although I viewed it as quitting and a failure at first, it was me winning at life.

So, as I go off to do a workout for my mental and physical health, one that is best for MY body, I leave you with this:

What are you putting off quitting?

Patti

xo

Motivation

All this week I have been posting on my social media about what motivates us. I’ve talked alot about intrinsic vs extrinsic motivation. 

Just to recap, intrinsic is the internal stuff: pride of a job well done, the need to just do it from the depth of your soul stuff. Extrinsic is the external stuff: the monetary reward dangling, the fear of letting someone down part of it all.

There’s tons of stuff out there about goal setting and if I’m being honest, it’s pretty standard. Think about what you want to accomplish and then set the goals. These are effective methods, however, the failure rate is high unless you figure out what truly motivates you. There is no right or wrong answer, because we are all individuals and what motivates me, will not likely motivate you.

So to really get deep down into this, and build a why that will be so strong, that nothing will get in your way of moving toward your goal when you think of it. 

To get there, you need to take a few steps. First, think of what you want to accomplish and ask why. Let’s look at an example of how the discovery conversation could go:

Person: I want to lose weight

Person: Why?

Person: I want to be healthy so I live a long time

Person: Why?

Person: Well, I have kids and I want to be here with them

Person: What does that look like?

Person: It looks like me living to be 100 and being able to live on my own the entire time and play with my grandkids when they have them.

Person: Can you visualize that?

Person: Yes, I see myself, gray hair wrestling around with kids on the floor.

Person: Perfect, now let’s figure out how we will get there.

The point I am making: You need to keep asking why until you get to something deeper. Saying I want to lose weight isn’t specific enough, you need to go deeper. Just keep asking yourself why until you get to a point that you can come up with a specific goal. Then, once you’re there, write it down, make a vision board, something that you can see at all times. This will keep you focused and help you work toward that goal. It’s all within your grasp. 

Try this method, and let me know. As always, I am here if you need help digging deeper!

Take Care,

Patti 

Xo

How will you emerge?

Image Credit Butterfly Life Cycle Vectors by Vecteezy

It’s the end of 2020. The end of what’s been a very challenging year. We’ve been separated from family, friends, co-workers. People have lost jobs. Too many people have died. It’s just been alot to put it mildly. And now, as we head into a time of year that’s already very difficult for so many, we are once again asked to stay home. We are tired of it all. We want to go out and be social. We want to travel. We just want our lives back to the way they were and I understand all of it.

Once again, I am asking you to shift your perspective on all of it. What if, rather than looking at this stay home order as a negative, we could flip to an opportunity?

Can you, just for a moment, close your eyes and picture how you want to emerge from all of this? Think of the image above. A monarch butterfly starts off as a caterpillar, unable to do anything but inch around. Then it is driven to change. It wraps itself up in it’s constrictive coccoon and waits. About 2 weeks later, that caterpillar emerges as a beautiful butterly. It spreads it’s wings and flies off with newfound freedom.

This is similar to what I want for all of us. We can complain and worry and stress about the unknown and I’m by no means not taking everything seriously or minimizing people’s very real serious situations in all of this. But..if I am being very transparant, I know we will get through this and HOW we come out on the other side is entirely up to us.

For me, I’m planning to come out like that beautiful butterfly, forever changed, but for the better. I am using this time as an opportunity to work on me. I’m still healing from the trauma of losing my oldest child in an incredibly shocking way. I’m trying to figure out what I’m going to do about seeing her child since I’ve been presented with that lesson in life for some reason I’m still trying to understand. So for me, it’s learning how to react to stressful and upsetting situations differently, where it doesn’t give me massive anxiety and an emotional meltdown.

I am coming out of all this, fitter and healthier than I’ve ever been, both physically and mentally. Here is my plan:

  • Fuel my body with the nutrition it needs to be the fittest and strongest it can be to support me through the rest of my life
  • Move my body to give me the best fighting chance to live as long as possible
  • Meditate to teach me how to be more intentional with my actions and reactions
  • Grow my side hustle with Beachbody coaching while greatly reducing my screen time
  • Get outside as much as I possibly can
  • Continue to write and grow this blog because it’s helped me more than you could ever know
  • Be kind when nobody’s watching

So, as you see, I have set my intentions for the year. They are not difficult and there are not that many. They are all completely within my control. I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions, but I do think the start of the year is a good time to reassess and formulate a plan for yourself.

Last year, I participated in an end of the year workshop of sorts that was delivered by Rachel Brathen. At the end of all of the work, you were to choose a word that will set your intention for the year. To be honest, I had forgotten all about it until my friend Fiona posted something similar to this exercise the other day which got me thinking about all of this.

My word last year, was Joy. I still managed to find alot of that, even in a crazy pandemic that nobody saw coming on Jan 1 2020. This year, I have chosen Legacy. I have chosen this word because I want everything I do to be reflective of the legacy I want to leave on this world one day. Do I want the legacy that I really loved to drink wine, worked on my days off and was on social media alot? Of course not. I want my legacy to be greater than that. I want my legacy to be that I helped others and was always present with anyone around me. I want to be known as a great mother, spouse, nana, girlfriend and coworker. That’s what I want and that’s what I will leave this world (one day, very far from now).

So after all of this, I ask you again…how will you emerge from your “coccoon” when all of this is said and done? What will your word be for this year? What legacy do you want to leave? I encourage you to take some time over the weekend to reflect on the year that you’ve had, and set some intentions for 2021. I’d love to hear it!

Happy New Year to all!!

Patti

xo