I’ve been talking alot this week about knowing your value. Since going back to my Barre Blend workouts and doing the accompanying daily affirmations again, it’s really had me thinking about this topic.
There is such a misconception out in the world that if someone values themselves and therefore carries themselves differently that they’re either arrogant, selfish or greedy.
I’m going to start here: it’s not selfish to know what you’re worth and that translates not only to taking care of you and your mental and physical body but it also goes with monetary gains.
So speaking about monetary gains.
When I read You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay, she talks about not undervaluing yourself. For instance, you are an artist. And you undercharge for your work, and then you struggle to pay bills while doing what you love. That is a prime example of someone not knowing their worth. This person doesn’t see their value, so therefore they don’t think others will either.
Now, let’s talk about not taking care of yourself mentally or physically. When you don’t know your value, you don’t take the time to take care of these things. The rationale sounds so noble: I don’t have time because I’m always working..I don’t have time because I have kids..I don’t have time because I volunteer in my spare time.
People, not taking care of YOU, means that you are valuing everyone else above you. You are putting out to the world that every other person’s needs are more important than your own. It’s not noble. It’s sad.
When we value ourselves enough to take good care of ourselves first, we are happier, healthier and wealthier. It puts us in a better situation and headspace to help the people we so value in our lives.
I saw online this week something that hit this home in my heart: When you’re on a plane, listening to emergency instructions, you are told to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before assisting others. Why? Because you can’t help someone else if you’re dead.
I urge you to start prioritizing yourself and really know what you’re worth. It will open doors you never thought possible.
I had a milestone birthday this week. I turned the big 5-0! Turning this age was not what I was anticipating. I’m not sure what I was expecting…but I was surprised with how I felt about it. I will spare the platitudes: age is just a number and all that nonsense (although it really is). My daughter just kept saying she can’t wrap her head around me being 50, and I have to say I’m with her. I honestly can’t believe it.
I don’t feel like what I anticipated this age would feel like when I looked toward it from my 20’s, 30’s and even my 40’s. I guess I thought I’d instantly age? Funny how perspective changes once you’re in it.
I kind of thought that fun life would be all over at 50. Truth is, I’m having more fun (pandemic aside) now than I ever did when I was younger. Here are some of my observations:
I don’t sweat the small stuff
I may go to bed a lot earlier, but I also get up earlier which means I see some pretty beautiful sunrises
I’m way more calm
I don’t give a shit what other people think of me
Things at this stage of my life just feel better.
I speak up for myself
I know myself and trust my judgement
I’m an incredibly strong person, I’ve been through so much and yet, here I still am..happy and positive.
So true story here…and the reason why it surprised me that I didn’t freak out about turning this age:
I was always morbidly terrified of growing old, because I was closer to death. So I worried about it alot as a kid, and then well into my 40’s. LIke I legit worried about it almost constantly.
Not long ago, I realized that this mindset was stealing my enjoyment of the present. I attribute a lot of my mindset and being able to enjoy the present to my meditation practice, but I’m betting some of the credit needs to go to getting older and wiser too.
I guess what I am saying is this: if you’re worried about getting older, please stop. Enjoy where you’re at! I think I’m really going to enjoy exploring my life perspective in my fifties.
All this week I have been posting on my social media about what motivates us. I’ve talked alot about intrinsic vs extrinsic motivation.
Just to recap, intrinsic is the internal stuff: pride of a job well done, the need to just do it from the depth of your soul stuff. Extrinsic is the external stuff: the monetary reward dangling, the fear of letting someone down part of it all.
There’s tons of stuff out there about goal setting and if I’m being honest, it’s pretty standard. Think about what you want to accomplish and then set the goals. These are effective methods, however, the failure rate is high unless you figure out what truly motivates you. There is no right or wrong answer, because we are all individuals and what motivates me, will not likely motivate you.
So to really get deep down into this, and build a why that will be so strong, that nothing will get in your way of moving toward your goal when you think of it.
To get there, you need to take a few steps. First, think of what you want to accomplish and ask why. Let’s look at an example of how the discovery conversation could go:
Person: I want to lose weight
Person: I want to be healthy so I live a long time
Person: Well, I have kids and I want to be here with them
Person: What does that look like?
Person: It looks like me living to be 100 and being able to live on my own the entire time and play with my grandkids when they have them.
Person: Can you visualize that?
Person: Yes, I see myself, gray hair wrestling around with kids on the floor.
Person: Perfect, now let’s figure out how we will get there.
The point I am making: You need to keep asking why until you get to something deeper. Saying I want to lose weight isn’t specific enough, you need to go deeper. Just keep asking yourself why until you get to a point that you can come up with a specific goal. Then, once you’re there, write it down, make a vision board, something that you can see at all times. This will keep you focused and help you work toward that goal. It’s all within your grasp.
Try this method, and let me know. As always, I am here if you need help digging deeper!
It’s the end of 2020. The end of what’s been a very challenging year. We’ve been separated from family, friends, co-workers. People have lost jobs. Too many people have died. It’s just been alot to put it mildly. And now, as we head into a time of year that’s already very difficult for so many, we are once again asked to stay home. We are tired of it all. We want to go out and be social. We want to travel. We just want our lives back to the way they were and I understand all of it.
Once again, I am asking you to shift your perspective on all of it. What if, rather than looking at this stay home order as a negative, we could flip to an opportunity?
Can you, just for a moment, close your eyes and picture how you want to emerge from all of this? Think of the image above. A monarch butterfly starts off as a caterpillar, unable to do anything but inch around. Then it is driven to change. It wraps itself up in it’s constrictive coccoon and waits. About 2 weeks later, that caterpillar emerges as a beautiful butterly. It spreads it’s wings and flies off with newfound freedom.
This is similar to what I want for all of us. We can complain and worry and stress about the unknown and I’m by no means not taking everything seriously or minimizing people’s very real serious situations in all of this. But..if I am being very transparant, I know we will get through this and HOW we come out on the other side is entirely up to us.
For me, I’m planning to come out like that beautiful butterfly, forever changed, but for the better. I am using this time as an opportunity to work on me. I’m still healing from the trauma of losing my oldest child in an incredibly shocking way. I’m trying to figure out what I’m going to do about seeing her child since I’ve been presented with that lesson in life for some reason I’m still trying to understand. So for me, it’s learning how to react to stressful and upsetting situations differently, where it doesn’t give me massive anxiety and an emotional meltdown.
I am coming out of all this, fitter and healthier than I’ve ever been, both physically and mentally. Here is my plan:
Fuel my body with the nutrition it needs to be the fittest and strongest it can be to support me through the rest of my life
Move my body to give me the best fighting chance to live as long as possible
Meditate to teach me how to be more intentional with my actions and reactions
Grow my side hustle with Beachbody coaching while greatly reducing my screen time
Get outside as much as I possibly can
Continue to write and grow this blog because it’s helped me more than you could ever know
Be kind when nobody’s watching
So, as you see, I have set my intentions for the year. They are not difficult and there are not that many. They are all completely within my control. I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions, but I do think the start of the year is a good time to reassess and formulate a plan for yourself.
Last year, I participated in an end of the year workshop of sorts that was delivered by Rachel Brathen. At the end of all of the work, you were to choose a word that will set your intention for the year. To be honest, I had forgotten all about it until my friend Fiona posted something similar to this exercise the other day which got me thinking about all of this.
My word last year, was Joy. I still managed to find alot of that, even in a crazy pandemic that nobody saw coming on Jan 1 2020. This year, I have chosen Legacy. I have chosen this word because I want everything I do to be reflective of the legacy I want to leave on this world one day. Do I want the legacy that I really loved to drink wine, worked on my days off and was on social media alot? Of course not. I want my legacy to be greater than that. I want my legacy to be that I helped others and was always present with anyone around me. I want to be known as a great mother, spouse, nana, girlfriend and coworker. That’s what I want and that’s what I will leave this world (one day, very far from now).
So after all of this, I ask you again…how will you emerge from your “coccoon” when all of this is said and done? What will your word be for this year? What legacy do you want to leave? I encourage you to take some time over the weekend to reflect on the year that you’ve had, and set some intentions for 2021. I’d love to hear it!