Tag Archives: #selfcare

5 years

Mindset Mission, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I’ll be honest. I never thought I would be able to live beyond the heartache of losing my daughter. I really didn’t think I would ever get to the level of peace and ok-ness that I am at either.

In many ways, 5 years seems like yesterday and yet it’s also a lifetime. There has been anger, frustration, fear, anxiety, hope, hatred, peace, love..you name it, it’s all happened. Screaming, crying, laughing til it hurts.

Nothing can ever prepare you for a loss of this magnitude. Nothing. But I do attribute getting through this the way I have to a number of things:

  • The mindset and attitude I had pre loss
  • My belief system
  • The unbelievable support of my family and friends
  • Getting outside
  • Letting my emotions out
  • Talking about my loss
  • Writing in all formats
  • Taking care of me on all levels
  • Research
  • Counselling

Finally after 5 years, I see light. I feel lighter. I feel ready to live. I am ready to be me again with no guilt about that (believe me there was a ton of it; more on that in another post)

That’s me. I feel like I am in a really good place at this point. I still cry and have my moments, but it’s different. It’s like a reset button.

I still miss Kayla’s smile and laugh and sense of humor. I miss her stunning beauty. I wish she got to raise her beautiful daughter and see how much she resembles her. I miss her swearing. I miss her farting and laughing hysterically about it. I miss everything about her. I wish it was different but I have accepted that it’s not. This is the reality and I am still here. I cannot waste this opportunity called life. Kayla passed…I did not.

All of this is my reflection at the 5 years of loss point. I write as I hope it will give someone else hope. There is light at the end of the long twisted and very dark tunnel. Keep Wending your Way.

Patti

Xo

Gut Check

Mindset Mission, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Check in….how are you feeling?

Things are starting to change again in the world at a rapid pace. Businesses are reopening, people are getting vaccinated, less people are sick and workplaces are preparing for employees to come back to work in person.

All of this is long awaited and for many, very exciting. We all need to be around other humans and have that social interaction, but let’s face it..for most of us it’s been quite some time and we have changed our lives to match being solitary!

So now what? How do we prepare ourselves to reintegrate into society? What if I am anxious about it? What to do?

Here are my thoughts, and they are just that…they are not medical opinions by any stretch of the imagination.

Now is the time to really embrace our mindsets and make sure we are practicing our self care the most!

There is alot going on and it is ok to feel anxious about it, I know that I am myself. 

Let’s chat quickly about some of this stuff. The vaccination debate is really divisive. People have super strong opinions about it. It is perfectly ok to have your own ideas! Let’s just start there. It is NOT ok to push your beliefs/ideas on someone else. Whatever side of the discussion  you are on, my advice is to keep it to yourself. No matter what YOUR belief is, other people will continue with theirs NO MATTER what you tell them. There is way too much emotion involved in this debate for you to sway anyone in either direction and it is not up to you to change that. 

If you believe in vaccination and you don’t want to be around people that aren’t, that is up to you. Just calmly inform those people that you will be keeping to people that are vaccinated and leave it at that. No discussion. That’s all. The same goes if you don’t believe in vaccination. You do you, and keep your opinions to yourself. 

There doesn’t need to be conflict or debate or arguing or even violence! We can agree to disagree and go with whatever path we are personally comfortable with. I’m seeing so much debate and division among families and that makes me sad. I really hope that we can find some common ground along the way.

So that addresses one thing. Let’s talk about the anxiety levels and what you can do to alleviate them.

You know I’m going to say meditation! Obviously. It is the BEST way to alleviate anxiety and work out what is happening in your brain. You need other self care too. Enjoy time outside, go for a walk, read a book on your patio, do a puzzle, knit-whatever makes you happy and calm.

When it comes to reintegration to society–yes I am calling it that because that is really what it is, I have some ideas. 

So many of you have made a lot of really positive changes over the past year and a half. There are also some habits that are not so positive that have developed. My plan for myself is to write it all down and decide what I want to keep and what needs to go away. Then, create an action plan to make sure this happens. 

The other idea, is to go slow. Baby step it back to seeing people. Go with your comfort level and be ok with saying NO. If there is a situation you are not quite ready for yet, decline politely. You don’t need to offer an explanation. Just no thanks or not today. That’s it. If your people don’t respect that, get new people.

This is a change and it has potential to be overwhelming and overstimulating. Make sure you’re building that reset time into your schedules. Most of all, ENJOY! Get a little social, wear your mask and be present. 

Patti

xo

What are you running from?

Mindset Mission, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Courtesy of Calm app

This quote this morning during my meditation grabbed me. I have faced more than my share of difficulty to put it mildly. And it has all changed me. It’s changed me in so many ways that when I run into people from my past, they are blown away by the transformation. It’s like being reborn.

The reason this quote got my attention today and got me thinking was the last piece…”we just need help in learning how not to run away.”

Powerful shit. I have been guilty of running and hiding all my life until the last little while. I just would avoid dealing with anything uncomfortable. I still struggle with some things but I am light years ahead of where I was.

I remember even as a child avoiding the uncomfortable. Vividly remember actually. Getting invited somewhere by friends, only to be questioned when I arrived as to why I was there. Little girls being mean just to be mean. And me not confronting it. Just mumbling that I must be mistaken and leaving hiding my tears

Being spoken down to as a teenager by a teacher who told me that math just wasn’t my thing. So I dropped the class rather than trying.

Cheated on by my ex husband for many years and not facing it. Turning a blind eye and pretending it wasn’t happening just because confronting it was too painful.

Stuffing down the pain of Kayla’s death because I didn’t feel I had the capacity to deal with it. Not feeling strong enough. Terrified that this would be the one thing that broke me forever.

All of these things are a lifelong pattern of not believing enough in yourself to just deal with it and end your own suffering. Believing that you’re just not worthy. You can spout all the self help and affirmations you want, but you have to face the feelings you have deep within yourself if you want to step into that radiant amazing being you really are.

Mediation has helped me start to emerge from my self imposed cocoon of doubt. Daily affirmations, and physically taking care of myself has also contributed to this. If you want to transform into your true beautiful self, you have to immerse yourself in the work. You can’t half ass it. You need to get in there and see the ugliness that’s there. You have to deal with it all.

You need to learn how not to run away.

Patti
Xo

Your words and thoughts create your reality

Mindset Mission, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I did a post this week on my social media after I had a big epiphany and I thought we should talk about it here because it was so incredibly powerful.

I have been doing alot of self reflection type of work and working on loosening my grip on trying to be in control of literally everything and for a bit, it had me upside down and sideways in my mindset.

The biggest self discovery happened this week:

I figured out that turning 50 messed with me more than I thought it did. 

When I was close to that magic number, my body was suddenly against me, or so I thought. I was gaining weight “for no reason” I “needed’ to move to lower impact workouts because well you know, “I’m getting older and I need to accept that’s where I’m at”. Looking back and reflecting on that, I mind fucked myself. I know that now. I believed that to be true, I said the words and that is the shit I manifested for myself. Wow. Mind blown. LIke seriously?

I found myself eating things that I KNEW my body hated, because what was the point? I’m getting older and you only live once so eat the cake. And yes, eat the cake is a thing that you should do, just not the WHOLE cake.

In the midst of all this shiz, I started doing the Unlimited workbook that I spoke about last week on the blog. Every morning, you read a few pages of information, then you say an affirmation, meditate and you write what you’re grateful for. You also write 3 things you want the universe to achieve for you and then you let that go. This workbook goes for a 40 day period.

Doing this every day really gets you digging in your heart of hearts. You start to see where you are working against yourself simply by thinking or saying things a certain way. 

This was the start of my epiphany. 

Then, I listened to an audio lesson on mindful eating. There are meditations you do to understand why you want to eat and helps you to determine if you really are hungry or if that’s just because you’re programmed that way. There is an exercise to write down how food makes you feel. By the way–mindful eating is really just that, it’s paying attention to your body and your food. It’s still ok to eat a certain way if it makes you feel good or you’re trying to achieve a specific goal. 

This got me thinking about life in general and what makes me happiest. Then, I made a list. I sat there at 5 am and wrote a giant list about what I practice when I am at my best. 

This simple task, showed me in black and white, what I needed to do in order to pick myself fully back up. It’s a few days later and I am back to eating the food that best fuels my body, working out pretty hard core, I’m organized and focused at work and in my personal life and I’m HAPPY! Like so happy. I encourage you to do this activity for yourself and let me know how you feel afterward. 

Patti

xo

Back at it! Sweating it out like a champ!
Yummy fuel!

Time off for self care

Mindset Mission, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Last week, I didn’t blog for the first time since I started this blog. I just wasn’t in the right headspace. I blog to share my story, the good, the bad and the ugly stuff, but I am not willing to write just for the sake of writing..and last week, that is what it would have been. 

I let the world get to me over the past few weeks. I struggled to remain positive. I got dragged down into a shitty spin. It all became too much work: the eating, the mindset, the workouts, the staying positive, the coaching. All of it. 

I think we are all really struggling again with the state of the world. The pandemic variants are creating havoc. In Ontario, we are once again under a state of emergency due to the insane amount of people getting sick. And looking around, it was the attitude of people that got to me. The complacency, the selfishness and the overall attitude. When a shutdown was announced, people were actually quoted on the news that they needed to get their nails and hair done “while they could”. For real. And I allowed that to really drag me down.

Thankfully, I mean really thankfully, I’ve done so much work on my mindset and created some super consistent habits that will always reign that nonsense in. I’m so grateful for meditation. If you do nothing else for yourself in your life, please at least meditate.

Even when I felt the shittiest, I still meditated. What that did was to help me step outside of my mental state and observe where I was at. Eventually, a plan came to me to get out of the funk. 

Here is what I did to pull myself back to, well, myself:

  • I gave something up that was no longer working for me: Beachbody Coaching
  • I kept working out and meditating
  • I meal prepped and planned
  • I booked a day off work and spent my day outside in nature with my camera

That was all it took. 

The first step, ending my coaching relationship with Beachbody was tough. I love coaching. I love their programs. I don’t love that you have to spend so much money to qualify as a coach. I don’t love their restrictions on promotion of other products. I don’t like their sales approach. It’s yucky to me. It felt like–not me. It was a hard decision but needed to be done. I’m still running an accountability group FOR FREE because I love it. It keeps me on track and I love seeing other people’s success. More to come on that group on my social media.

The working out, meditation and meal planning are already habits that are ingrained at this point. No matter what, it’s something that is always done. That doesn’t mean that when I’m struggling I didn’t go to Dairy Queen and I didn’t eat an entire chocolate bunny in a day. It just means that the structure is already there, making it easier to get back fully on track when I’m ready.

The day off work was probably the most valuable thing I did. I got outside. I found so much to love and appreciate in nature. The sun, the new spring flowers and all the little birds and critters. It did WONDERS for my soul. It allowed me to come back and be ME. Patient, positive, loving life ME. 

I feel like this little bird, just living my best life and singing its praises. I pray you all are living life like this bird.

Patti

xo

Someone out there loves you

Mindset Mission, , , , , , , ,

This week, I want to cover something that happened this week that was absolutely awful. 

Trigger warning: this post talks about suicide and mental health.

I’m part of many awesome online communities of strong women. Safe places where we can lift each other up in mental health, fitness, nutrition, all sorts of things. You end up meeting lots of individuals. Over the past week, in one of the smaller communities, we discovered that a very active participant had lost her battle with mental health, and took her own life. I don’t actually know her, never met her face to face but have seen her pictures and messages she posted. And when things like this happen, you look for past signs. Did we in the group miss something? You ask yourself, could I have been the one to have saved her? 

To me, the answer is a resounding no. And there’s a reason for this and you may agree and you may not. You see, I’ve been through so many losses like this and I’ve examined every single one under the strongest microscope you could possibly find, and the answer is always no. If I were the one to save that person, the one that made that difference that day, it would have happened. Those people would still be here today. It was not meant to be. 

I have mixed feelings about suicide. When it’s someone that is terminally ill, and in pain..I am on board for the most part. Now this is where the inner conflict gets me….what about mentally in pain? For these precious individuals they are in pain that is so unbearable, there is no other way out. No light at the end of their dark mental tunnel. And to me, that is tragic in itself. It’s almost mentally unbearable to me to think that someone would or could ever feel that way. It is also a scary feeling to understand that they would feel that way.  

The other side of the coin for me has happened since I lost Kayla. When it’s a young person and they take their life, part of me gets ANGRY. Like blood boiling, How dare they give up their life, when I know she would have done anything to stay here? It’s hard to let those bitter feelings go. That’s where I loop back to my empathy and compassion for the person and how dark a place they would need to be in. And those feelings win. I hate to think of how dark a storm must be for them to do this, because, with all the darkness I have seen and in the lowest moments of my life, never have I felt that level of despair that I even contemplated this. 

I am putting this out to all of you that read my blog: Please, I beg of you, if you are in that dark, black terrible hole and you’re even getting an inkling of feeling that suicide is your only option, talk to someone, ANYONE. It doesn’t have to be me. It doesn’t have to even be someone you know. It can be the person beside you in the grocery store, I don’t care who,..just talk to them. We want your magnificent light to continue to shine. There is always hope even in that dark tunnel. We got you. You are loved now more than ever, in your imperfection. 

You can click this link to access help and to understand warning signs of suicide.

Let’s all hold each other up in love and peace.

Patti

xo

Shifting Perspectives–Change your Mindset

Mindset Mission, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Why does everything always happen to me?

How does the above statement make you feel? It brings me down and makes me sad. It makes me feel or it implies that all bad things happen to this person and there is no escaping from it. It sounds dismal and negative. It sounds like a punishment that never ends. I immediately feel sorry for this person that is saying this.

Now, take that same statement but change one word: Why does everything always happen for me?

This sounds like revelation. It sounds like self discovery. Like nothing but good things happen for this person. It sounds like the universe, or God or Angels or whatever you believe in is doing this person a FAVOR.

See how easily you can shift things with a very simple shift in your perspective? That was a change of 2 very short 2 and 3 letter words. Crazy but true.

I have been practicing this mindset shift (at least doing my best at it anyway) and it is life altering to say the least. I am in a better mood, and my outlook on life is genuinely more positive and hopeful.

When something happens that we feel is a negative…rather than asking why it’s happening TO us, let’s start asking why it’s happening FOR us. Ask what doors will this open up for me? How does this event or thing change the path I am on? What lesson is this teaching me?

Life is so full of potential with this simple shift. It’s helped me see light in tragedy, and altered my overall view on life, and in turn, my beliefs.

I’d love to see you give this a try yourself. In the coming days/weeks or even months, when a challenging situation arises, or something “negative” happens to you, shift the view to why it’s happening FOR you and see where that takes you.

I bet it’s somewhere awesome.

Patti

xo

What a year!

Mindset Mission, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

This week marks the one year anniversary that a global pandemic was announced. We were sent home from work “for a few weeks” and we really thought it would all be over then. Here we are..the world indelibly changed: How we shop, how we work, how we socialize and even celebrate. Looking back, I didn’t see even a twinkle of this coming. So what have I been able to learn and observe this past year personally? Turns out, alot. 

What I learned about myself during a global pandemic:

  1. I was in complete denial about where I was in my grief journey. I honestly thought I was doing well and functioning, which I was, however, life was crazy and we were always doing things so it was easy to bury what was really going on. Getting into a lockdown, with nowhere to go, forced me to deal with the emotions that were right there under the surface. With the use of my mindset tools I have to say I’m in a way better spot than I have been in my entire life.
  2. I am not quite as social as I thought I was. As much as I love people, I enjoyed not having to attend social functions and just being able to slow things down. 
  3. I am super attached to my family. I mean, I knew I was, but now I REALLY KNOW. Being away from them during the lockdowns has been absolute torture. I’m just happy and thankful that between lockdown periods we’ve been able to be together.
  4. I found some hobbies. I love birds and I love photography (and the combination of the two)and I really love writing. Both of these hobbies have been a fantastic creative outlet for me and have been incredibly therapeutic.
  5. I am more productive working from home and I love working from home.
  6. I love shopping online, even for groceries. I would have everything delivered if I could. (we are almost there).
  7. I’m a pet person.
  8. I have awesome cooking and baking skills which have served me well, especially when bread was scarce and everything was closed (no takeout)
  9. I don’t need a gym to get in shape
  10. I am very open to a power greater than myself.

Cool and Awesome byproducts of the pandemic for me:

  1. I started this blog!
  2. I got really dialled in with nutrition and exercise
  3. I got out way more in nature
  4. I got really consistent with meditation
  5. I took long breaks from drinking
  6. I started coaching for Beachbody
  7. I discovered Epicure
  8. I got to spend tons of time with Mike
  9. I appreciate my family WAY more
  10. I get to work from home 
  11. I can identify a lot more birds now
  12. I got a nice camera and I’m getting better at using it
  13. I did multiple puzzles
  14. We did a few road trips and had fun exploring
  15. I reconnected with old friends and found friendship with people that I didn’t realize I would.
  16. I got a new grandson!

The pandemic has been awful in so many ways. So many lives lost. So many businesses lost. So many people are struggling with mental health. Kids not being able to be normal kids. I am not making light. I know that I am so incredibly fortunate to be able to work and be safe and healthy here at home.

 I have been up and down mentally but I chose to write about the positives today because that is what I am choosing to do from a mindset perspective. Let’s focus on the positive so that is what we continue to attract to ourselves.

Is there anything you learned about yourself during the past year? Did you develop a new skill or hobby? Comment and let me know!!

Patti

xo

Knowing your worth

Mindset Mission, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I’ve been talking alot this week about knowing your value. Since going back to my Barre Blend workouts and doing the accompanying daily affirmations again, it’s really had me thinking about this topic.

There is such a misconception out in the world that if someone values themselves and therefore carries themselves differently that they’re either arrogant, selfish or greedy.

I’m going to start here: it’s not selfish to know what you’re worth and that translates not only to taking care of you and your mental and physical body but it also goes with monetary gains.

So speaking about monetary gains.

When I read You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay, she talks about not undervaluing yourself. For instance, you are an artist. And you undercharge for your work, and then you struggle to pay bills while doing what you love. That is a prime example of someone not knowing their worth. This person doesn’t see their value, so therefore they don’t think others will either.

Now, let’s talk about not taking care of yourself mentally or physically. When you don’t know your value, you don’t take the time to take care of these things. The rationale sounds so noble: I don’t have time because I’m always working..I don’t have time because I have kids..I don’t have time because I volunteer in my spare time.

People, not taking care of YOU, means that you are valuing everyone else above you. You are putting out to the world that every other person’s needs are more important than your own. It’s not noble. It’s sad.

When we value ourselves enough to take good care of ourselves first, we are happier, healthier and wealthier. It puts us in a better situation and headspace to help the people we so value in our lives.

I saw online this week something that hit this home in my heart: When you’re on a plane, listening to emergency instructions, you are told to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before assisting others. Why? Because you can’t help someone else if you’re dead.

I urge you to start prioritizing yourself and really know what you’re worth. It will open doors you never thought possible.

Patti
Xo

Older and Wiser?

Mindset Mission, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I had a milestone birthday this week. I turned the big 5-0! Turning this age was not what I was anticipating. I’m not sure what I was expecting…but I was surprised with how I felt about it. I will spare the platitudes: age is just a number and all that nonsense (although it really is). My daughter just kept saying she can’t wrap her head around me being 50, and I have to say I’m with her. I honestly can’t believe it. 

I don’t feel like what I anticipated this age would feel like when I looked toward it from my 20’s, 30’s and even my 40’s. I guess I thought I’d instantly age? Funny how perspective changes once you’re in it. 

I kind of thought that fun life would be all over at 50. Truth is, I’m having more fun (pandemic aside) now than I ever did when I was younger. Here are some of my observations:

I don’t sweat the small stuff

I may go to bed a lot earlier, but I also get up earlier which means I see some pretty beautiful sunrises

I’m way more calm

I don’t give a shit what other people think of me

Things at this stage of my life just feel better. 

I speak up for myself 

I know myself and trust my judgement

I’m an incredibly strong person, I’ve been through so much and yet, here I still am..happy and positive.

So true story here…and the reason why it surprised me that I didn’t freak out about turning this age:

I was always morbidly terrified of growing old, because I was closer to death. So I worried about it alot as a kid, and then well into my 40’s. LIke I legit worried about it almost constantly.

Not long ago, I realized that this mindset was stealing my enjoyment of the present. I attribute a lot of my mindset and being able to enjoy the present to my meditation practice, but I’m betting some of the credit needs to go to getting older and wiser too. 

I guess what I am saying is this: if you’re worried about getting older, please stop. Enjoy where you’re at! I think I’m really going to enjoy exploring my life perspective in my fifties. 

Patti
Xo