Tag Archives: #whyblog #mentalhealth

Perspective

I want to talk today about perspective and freaking out about things that, in the grand scheme of things, are either really minor or actually unimportant!!

I’m talking about stuff that I see on social media or hear in passing…even (and I’m sorry) complaints people voice to me. We all do it. Myself included. We need to turn this bus around people. This shit ain’t getting us anywhere but stressed the fuck out.

Since Kayla passed, I have been so much more sensitive to this in myself and others. It almost feels like a blasphemy to complain about little things because she isn’t here to be able to complain about this shit. It’s been eye opening for me for sure.

I’m talking about stuff like this:

  • My package is late because of Covid
  • My kids are driving me nuts
  • A process changed at work
  • There was traffic today
  • I’m bored
  • I can’t go out
  • I have to wear a mask
  • I am stuck at home
  • I don’t think “blank” likes me

Get the picture? This shit will not matter to you in 1 year. Maybe even less time than that. To put THAT in perspective, look at your Facebook memories…most of them I look at now and go, wow, why did I need to post THAT?

So let’s put our heads together and think about this. How is complaining serving you? What are you gaining other than somewhat negative attention? We are wasting time and energy about this stuff. So here is MY take on the shifting our perspective and turning it around.

When I catch myself in this cycle, I have learned (thank YOU daily meditation and affirmations) to take a step back and breathe for a second. The meditation has taught me how to actually catch myself here. When I take that step back and breathe, I have an opportunity to ask myself why this is bothering me so much? And guess what? I can usually turn it around. So let’s refute the above complaints.

My package is late because of Covid: You’re lucky you can afford a package at all! Some people don’t have jobs and are struggling to put food on the table. That postal worker is probably run ragged delivering all this stuff. Your stuff will come, just later than you would LIKE. It’s a privilege to order things online and have them delivered directly to your door so you don’t have to expose yourself to potential harm.

A process changed at work: Suck it up buttercup…there are reasons things change and someone is paying us to follow the rules. We have a job. Someone out there in the world is likely wishing they were in your shoes.

My kids are driving me nuts: And one day, they will grow up and you will crave that insanity. The massive noise levels will one day become silence. Enjoy them while you can. I wish that I had spent more time playing and less time yelling.

There was traffic today: When you’re stuck in traffic, crank up the tunes, meditate, turn on that podcast or audio book you’ve been putting off. Enjoy some alone time if you’re by yourself. If you’re with someone, try and have a meaningful conversation. Remember-there could be a reason the universe has delayed you.

I’m bored/stuck at home/have to wear a mask/can’t go out: This is tough because we are mostly social beings. We need interaction and stimulation from others. This is a sacrifice we do need to make right now. There is opportunity to turn this into a positive: learn something new–create a new hobby, learn a new language, start a blog! What have you been putting off that you now have time for? The mask thing…my goodness just wear one. Nobody is taking away your rights for heavens sake. Respect others around you. Again, at least you are alive to complain about this. This must also mean you have good health (another blessing)

I don’t think blank likes me: Who cares???? There’s an expression “What other people think of you is none of your business” I wish I had cared less about this shit when I was younger. Such a time waster. If you love you, then BE you and nobody else matters!! Cut them loose and find your people!

Remember: There is always someone out there that is worse off than you. We are very entitled these days and I think we can all turn our perspectives around and worry about the big stuff instead.

Until next week!!

Patti

xo

The stories we tell ourselves

Do you believe you are worthy of happy relationships? A fit and beautiful body? Wealth?

Most of us will say yes, of course we do. But deep down do we really? Does your inner dialogue support this?

I’m still working through You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay and it’s been giving me so many “ah-ha” moments that I felt compelled to share. That and a follower shared their breakthrough experience with this very thing as well this week.

Hear me out…what are the beliefs about relationships we were brought up to believe? Are some of them ‘Everyone always leaves in the end” “I don’t know why you love me so much”?

What do we tell ourselves when we gain a few pounds? Do we say “I can’t get any lower than xx number of pounds, I’m so out of shape.” “I’m just meant to be big” “My body hates me”

What do we say about money and personal finances? Do we feel that we should always be broke? Do we tell ourselves things like “I’m not meant to be rich” “Easy come, easy go”, “I’ll never get ahead financially”.

It’s the ingrained things I am talking about here. If someone treats us poorly, do we think to ourselves, well, I was in a bad mood and was cranky so I earned that.

Everyone knows at least one person who has that life that never goes their way. There is ALWAYS something going on with them, some problem. Bring them to mind for a second. What sorts of things do they say about their life? Even if they come across as positive, what are the words they are using? If someone offers help, do they say they don’t deserve it? If they come into some money to help financially, do they say, easy come, easy go? If things are looking up, do they say, it’s only a matter of time before something happens to ruin this “lucky streak”?

I knew someone that told me they had the worst luck. And guess what? She really did. She said it on repeat to anyone that would listen. Maybe if she just turned it around and said, you know what, I have had some setbacks but now I have turned the corner, I guarantee you, her bad luck would have been the opposite.

I could go on and on and on with examples. What we think and say become truth. Even the seemingly harmless beliefs we were raised with can have an impact.

Whatever you think, you create. Think about that for a minute. Then write down 5 things you think on a regular basis about your life. Be honest, are those thoughts creating the reality you want to live?

Some of mine over the years:

  • My body won’t go below xx pounds
  • Everyone else comes first
  • I will never be a successful entrepreneur
  • I’m too busy to enjoy (insert activity here)
  • I may not have alot of extra money but my bills are paid

These words will absolutely create your reality. Trust me. Take some more time to determine how you can turn this wording around to create the most positive outcome. Don’t be shy! There is enough abundance for all. I am working on this myself and just now at almost 50 years old understanding that I can change how I think and therefore what I create in my life.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Do you think we create our own reality through our internal thoughts and word choices?

Let me know.

Thanks

Patti

xo

How we know we are making mental progress

I made a promise to myself when I started this blog that I wanted it to be 2 things:

1. True to myself and followers

2. That my words would help at least one person.

I know I’m achieving the latter based on feedback and comments and that makes me so happy!

This brings me to the first. I have been very honest and open thus far and that brings me to today’s post. So here we go.

I have done a lot of work on my attitude and mentality over the years. This does not mean that I don’t have days where I backslide a little into old habits and thoughts. We are always a work in progress and always will be. That is why we are all here isn’t it? To learn and evolve.

This week, I talked negatively about someone else. Like really not nice at all. Immediately after, I felt-icky. And immediately began to do a few things.

  • I started internally berating myself
  • I started having anxiety that this person would find out
  • I started asking myself how I could ‘fix’ this

I wallowed in that shit for a few hours. But here is where the knowledge that I am making mental progress(for lack of a better term or should I say evolving? let me know). I knocked that shit off.

Instead of being incredibly stressed out and mean, I asked myself why I felt the need to say those things? What in this other person that I was bitching about did I dislike about myself? Why did I feel like it was ok to spew this poisonous bullshit? And I sat with that for a bit. That is where the work really is guys…and this is how we know we are “evolving”.

We recognize when we are doing something that is not conducive to the person we want to be, or that’s against the attititude we choose to live by and we do something about it. I challenge you to follow this process yourself the next time you catch yourself in the act of unkindness. Ask the questions, what do I see in this person I dislike in myself? Why do I feel the need to be unkind in this moment . Let’s make the world a better place by changing our mindsets, trust me, positivity is contagious.

I am not going to tell you what the situation was or the details about myself that I came up with, some stuff has to stay personal to me. But…I did ask my Angels this morning how to move forward in this situation, and this is what they responded with.

Needless to say, I am choosing to forgive myself, and move on.

I hope this finds you well, and that you may find this information helpful in your own personal journey to mental evolution (I like that word!).

xo

Patti

Thanksgiving Reflection

Pretty leaf from my nature walk this week

This past weekend was the Canadian Thanksgiving. It’s long been my favorite holiday. It’s a holiday with no monetary expectations. You hang out with family and friends, reflect on what you’re thankful for and eat a delicious meal. It’s right up my mindset alley.

This year was different for many of us, we were missing people at the table and it was just not the same.

This is what every holiday/family event has been like since Kayla’s been gone. Nothing is the same.

We love to entertain, to have the house full of people and it’s usually loud. We still do that(well pre covid anyway) but there’s the empty chair. It’s still fun to be with everyone but, like everyone’s celebrations this year, there’s something missing.

So what do you do to get through?

First of all, you need to change your perspective. We aren’t getting through. It’s a time to enjoy those that are still here with us. It’s a time to reflect on being thankful for all the fun times you had pre-grief with your people/person that is no longer physically here.

You also need to talk about it. You need to speak the person’s name and say you wish they were there. It’s ok to do that. Don’t worry about bringing everyone down because, if you keep it inside, you’ll keep them all down ANYWAY.

If you’re that friend and family member that’s been shying away because you don’t know what to say when someone is grieving on a holiday, here is some advice:

Ask us how we are feeling. Don’t worry you won’t “remind us” of our loss. It’s always there.

Say the person’s name. I’m sure you miss that special loved one too.

Don’t try to “fix” us. Just listen to what we have to say. Don’t give us advice or platitudes. Don’t tell us that the person that’s gone would want us to enjoy Thanksgiving. Just say, I support you however you need today.

So this past Thanksgiving you may have gotten a little bit of an idea of what a grieving persons holidays are like. So how do I manage them?

As I get more intimately familiar with my grief, I rely more and more on my tools. I meditate, I exercise, I make sure I feed my body properly so I have the energy to keep myself in a proper mindset.

I practice gratitude believe it or not. Daily gratitude reflections have really helped me even through the days that I struggled to find one thing to be grateful for.

I walk. I go to the forest 😊 and I do some birdwatching because that calms me down.

I see my grandsons because they bring me a ton of joy.

But I don’t push Kayla from my mind in all of this. In these times, I reflect on many memories of Kayla while I’m doing these activities and it brings me back. It gives me happiness to think of her.

So, if you’re grieving it’s my hope that my words today have helped you. And if you’re that supportive friend or family member, thank you on behalf of all of us.

Until next week

Patti

Xo